So many things are running through my mind. I don't know how to feel.
I know, I feel as if I'm becoming obsessed.....awakened.....
She is truly ellusive.....sometimes it feels like she is there with me, sometimes not....
I'm contented and discontented with the way things are....I need more.....I know I should take more.
I'm mixed up...twisted up in my thoughts. I'm in love, and at the same time I love. I feel.
What makes me even think this is a good situation? I'm enamoured of it. I play with it in my mind. Maybe it's like free thought, I just let myself go where this is going to take me, but at the same time, I want to be the one to guide the course. I feel shy...more like gun shy.....wanting to touch....afriad to touch...
Wanting to love, and afraid to love. Afraid of getting hurt, sure, but more so I'm afraid of hurting her. I have the potential to really hurt her and I don't want to. I want to make things better, to soothe the sore spots....take care.
Today I could feel myself getting moody, and I couldn't seem to stop it. I just felt like I was sinking, right in her living room, like I was going to burst into tears. I'm really not as crazy as I sound, I'm just so emotional right now, and I have no one, except her that I can work through this with. I can tell no one, because of the damage it could do.
I need to just take a break from it all I think, to concentrate on my life, my family, my husband. To try to do a really good job at work. To just not worry so much. I feel like I'm thirteen again though, like I just can't seem to get myself out of this place, and I know it's simply because I'm enjoying the exquisite agony of it all.
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