BearsMountain: ME

April 24, 2008

ME

You know what is weird?

I'm really starting to feel OK about who I am.

In the last few months, since I've made the transition in my head from straight to queer, I have all the sudden started feeling more like "me" than I ever have.

I sometimes wonder if people can see the leap I've made. For the first time in my life, I feel very accepting of who I am. I feel ready to take care of myself.

Weight is melting off my body right now, I am trying to lose it, but I almost wonder if I've let go of some emotional barrier so the physical barrier is coming off as well.

I feel more comfortable in my own skin.

One thing I've noticed lately, is that when I look at men, I have no desire AT all. I find myself making eye contact with women in a way I never did before, almost like, "are you"?

This is very new to me.

At least I know, I'm on the right path.

This feels good.

This feels right.

I am not an Old Crone.

Peace,

OC

8 comments:

zirelda4/25/2008 7:59 AM
Comfortable with who you are is a beautiful thing isn't it? I'm happy for you.
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Mama Llama4/25/2008 9:40 AM
Good, OC. I echo Z in that I am happy for you, too.

I have seen this with many of my friends...perhaps it was not so much a "change" but more of a "coming out" and admitting it to the world, but the relief that my friends would demonstrate would manifest, just as you say, in attitude, weight loss, and a general self-awareness/self-confidence improvement that just is incomparable.

We are who we are. It's about time we figure out who that person is and accept it!!!

Be well, OC. Happy Friday!
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Velvet Ginger4/25/2008 7:03 PM
I knew you weren't an old crone.
Be proud of who you are.
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blooming desertpea4/26/2008 2:46 PM
Hello lovely you, welcome to this world - once more.
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nina michelle4/27/2008 1:13 PM
Ah yes! I remember...

I too lost weight when I first came out to myself. But then I found out that lesbians eat twinkies just like everyone else...

ugh!

neen
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jl4/28/2008 7:32 PM
ya, i can relate to so much of that... :)
j.
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Middle Girl4/28/2008 7:32 PM
hey? what's this losing weight stuff. i must have been finding all that lost weight.

welcome, nice to meet you.
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Janet4/28/2008 9:46 PM
An interesting process isn't it - enjoy the ride!

weeeeeeee-
janet
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My Sound Track

31 & Falling -- Chris Pureka
Beauty & The Beast --Stevie Nicks
Blood and Fire -- Indigo Girls
Bridge Over Troubled Water -- Aretha Franklin
Cold Shoulder -- Amy Ray
Cross Over To Me--Caitie Curtis
Drift Away -- Dobie Gray
I Knew I Loved You -- Savage Garden
I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry -- Cowboy Junkies
If I Needed You -- Lyle Lovett
Imagine -- John Lennon
In Memory Of Trees -- Enya
Me & My Baby--Amy Ray
Rock & Roll Heavens Gate--Indigo Girls
Romeo & Juliet--Indigo Girls
Sexuality -- KD Lang
The Weakness In Me -- Joan Armatrading
Three County Highway, Indigo Girls
Where I Stood--Missy Higgins
You Can Sleep While I Drive -- Melissa Etheridge
You're The Reason -- Antigone Rising

81 Things About Me

81 Things About Me

1. I'm blond.
2. I'm the oldest child.
3. I got my drivers license on my 16th birthday.
4. My favorite color is red.
5. I've never been skiing.
6. I never want to go skiing.
7. I went to catholic high school for one year.
8. My cat is 18 years old.
9. My car is always messy.
10. My kitchen is always clean, even when the rest of my house is a mess.
11. I spent years wearing acrylic fingernails.
12. I can sing the songs to every episode of the Backyardigans.
13. I can sing every song of the wiggles.
14. I have fat calves.
15. My favorite shoes are Birkenstocks and Keens.
16. I have a weakness for vanilla smelling anything body products.
17. I'm a burrito snob.
18. I'm a really good cook.
19. I love to cook.
20. I have a fire engine red Kitchen Aide mixer that I will never divorce.
21. I'm a Stevie Nick's fanatic.
22. I lived by the beach for 20 years.
23. I have a lot of Barry Manilow on my iPod.
24. I have a lot of Bon Jovi on my iPod.
25. I got my ears pierced for the 1st time when I was 10.
26. I have two kids.
27. I'm a terrible student.
28. I'm terribly nosy, and will google you.
29. My favorite fruit is watermelon.
30. My favorite TV show is Criminal Minds.
31. I love Sex and the City.
32. I'm trying to figure out who will actually go see SATC with me a the theater.
33. I've never owned a new car.
34. I'll probably never own a new car.
35. My pets all live to be extremely old.
36. I have a red car.
37. I nursed my son for 2 1/2 years.
38. I was only able to nurse my daughter for 4 months.
39. I still have boxes of albums and no turntable to play them on.
40. 50 is getting closer than I'm comfortable with.
41. I own a Ron Popiel Showtime Chicken Roaster.
42. I use aforementioned roaster at least once a week.
43. I used to be a chain smoker.
44. I quit smoking cold turkey. I've never had another ciggarette.
45. I'm a coffee addict.
46. I have really good hair.
47. I have really bad legs.
48. I love down comforters.
49. I love flannels sheets, but not with down comforters.
50. I used to be a fairly good potter.
51. I've had a computer since they were on DOS.
52. This is my 2nd Mac computer.
53. I'll never own a PC computer again.
54. My favorite junk food is Dorritos dipped in sour cream.
55. My favorite drinks are Tom and Jerry's.
56. I can't stand any kind of light colored beer.
57. I've seen a bear.
58. I used to be very shy when I was a child.
59. I'd kill for a Noah's Bagel.
60. I'm a night owl.
61. I babble in the car, I love to talk.
62. I never expected people to actually read my blog.
63. I am an expensive perfume whore.
64. I have a temper.
65. I work hard to control my temper.
66. I grew up in the desert.
67. I hate sushi.
68. I love Diet Coke.
69. I hate Diet Pepsi.
70. I made all my kids baby food.
71. My 1st car was a 76 Yellow Honda Civic Hachback with a black stripe.
72. I worked in an amusment park for the fee rides on the roller coasters.
73. I miss "MTV", the real old "MTV".
74. I have 3 piercings in each ear.
75. I have no tatoo's.
76. I really don't like chocolate that much.
77. I love gummi bears.
78. White gummi bears are my favorite.
79. I shave my legs every day.
80. I love Disco music.
81. I can drive a stick shift.