I made a promise to myself today, that I would take it "easy" and rest. I don't think I'm going to be able to keep that promise. I'm itching to clean my house. The kids have made such a mess, and it really needs to be cleaned. I think I'm going to readjust my promise. If I clean today, I will take it "easy" tomorrow.
That being said, I've been sort of blocked on my writing lately, hence all the questions and Meme's Ive done.
I think my last post, "Falling Up", sort of took me by surprise, how it brought up such intense feelings. A few comments I received, I know where positive. I think I should think about a counselor, but I'm just not a counselor person. The only time in my life I've went to any sort of counseling, was some grief therapy (it was a group) after my dad died.
I may look into it, I'm not sure I'm ready though. I think the thought of actually putting myself on the road to change is scary. I know, that this is going to have to happen, since deep down inside I do want change. I just need to figure out how to balance this change with the needs of my family.
It is raining out, it has only stopped for a few hours the entire week. I'm enjoying it. It always turns me inward, and puts me into a very reflective place. I like this place, a lot.
The rain is so cleansing, especially the sort of rain we've been having this week. Gentle, constant rain. Just like the earth is taking a cool shower. I can see the grass growing fast. The earth is black and rich, and the deer are hanging out under my deck looking out and enjoying the view.
So, today, all I need to be perfectly happy, would be a visit from my very best friend in CA...and a fresh pot of coffee. I have the coffee just not the visit.
Peace,
OC
I've been through a lot of ups and downs in my life, and I have never been to therapy. However, I have kept a journal, on and off, since I was 12. Bloggin is like that. I have also given the advise to friends who were in upheavals of their own to go buy a blank book and write down exactly what you are feeling and exactly what you want to say to anyone you want to say anything to. Even if you have to keep it under lock and key, do it.
ReplyDeleteAt my 10th H.S. reunion, one of my classmates that I told that to when we were in school and she was agonizing over something (this was someone I had not seen or talked to since graduation), came up to me and told me that my advice had changed her life--for the better.
I do believe therapy has some value, especially for people who are pretty self UNaware and don't have any kind of coping skills other than dangerous ones, ie. drinking, drugs, etc.
But for someone who is obviously as intelliegent and self-knowing as you are, and who is honest to the point of pain, all you will be doing is paying someone to agree with what you're doing! I know, it's happened to me ;-)
I am by no means trying to tell you what to do, but I think your own pages, written in your own voice, will be a better tool for you than some stranger sitting in a chair for $100.00 an hour.
Just an old granny's thoughts!
GG
I hope my comments didn't offend you -- I am not inclined to seek help from anyone but myself either. That said you are in a position of making choices that affect others besides yourself.
ReplyDeleteAs someone that reads your blog -- in no way do I feel qualified to tell you what you should/shouldn't do in regards to making changes in your life.
It feels wrong to encourage or discourage you. I mentioned a counselor to you as they would hopefully be a neutral party that would have your best interests at heart.
As much as I am grateful for the internet, the community of bloggers and it's potential - I guess I am also suspicious.
In other words you need to do things because they are right for you not because they'd be interesting reading for someone.
That is all I meant - for you to look out for your own interests.
And from my own life when I was living in a place of uncertainty about my sexuality (and in the closet) that is who I attracted to me - people that were in the closet.
As you really begin to move to a healthy and honest place - those kinds of people make their way to your life.
Someone has to arrive at a place of comfort with their sexuality - we can't do that for anyone else. If your friend is uncomfortable my advice is "don't go there".
Said from someone who "went there" and it just leads to heart ache.
janet
Sometimes I think therapy is just someone you pay to be your friend for a while. You really are going through some changes which is good.
ReplyDeleteWish we'd get some rain...
If you look into your heart
ReplyDeleteWith a positive mind
Take some inventory of your woman and your glory
Leave the bad things behind (ooh)
Living one of my favorite lyrics has helped me see and feel more clearly.
It is a process. Different stages will require different methods. Probably.
Peace.