BearsMountain: Laundry Day

July 9, 2008

Laundry Day

Who would have thought that I would welcome a trip to a crowded laundry facility in a KOA?

I'm totally happy sitting out on this picnic table, with the sound of other peoples children laughing and yelling in the pool, and the soothing humm of laundry being washed. I guess laundry is one of those things that you take for granted when you are at home. Having too much dirty laundry in a camp trailer proves to be claustrophobic.

Although I'm having a great time on this trip, I am still feeling completely torn apart. I wonder if there will come a time I don't feel torn apart. I mean, here I sit, in one of the most wondrous places on earth, faking being a happy family, and the sad thing is that I think I'm the only one that knows I'm faking it, or can I twist this around a bit and just say I think I'm faking it, but am I really when you consider that this is my reality right now?

So nothing is really changing, except I'm having plenty of time to do even more soul searching than I thought I would.

My kids are having a blast, and it's been a great time meeting up with friends for fun activites. I say again though, I feel like I'm not being my authentic self. I wish this was my authentic self, but sadly it is not.

I hope I don't sound as if I'm whining, it's just that this is the first time in day's I've had anytime to myself to even think, so here I am, blogging my way through this once again.

Peace, from South Dakota...

OC

4 comments:

Brad7/09/2008 1:17 PM
It's a good thing to relect. I'm happy to hear the kids have enough to keep them busy so you can do it. Hope your having some fun too.
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Mama Llama7/09/2008 4:37 PM
No, not whining. Reflecting. Echoing a great deal of how I feel as well...or rather how I used to feel until I made the uncomfortable move to "define" the fake-ness.

And Life will never be the same again.

but it was a step forward, that I made a year and a half ago.

Will the guts come to make another step? Time will tell. Time will tell for you, too. When it is right, you will know. You just will.

You are in my thoughts, OC. Enjoy your journey, and keep in touch!!

Be well...and be safe.
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Martini Cartwheels7/10/2008 10:01 AM
I don't think it's whining either. It's processing. It's good to acknowledge what's in your head.
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nina michelle7/10/2008 12:40 PM
reflecting...

its a big happening...

there will be a time you don't feel completely torn apart, i promise... its been 2 years since the "big rip" happened for me... i have peace with me often but even now I have much healing and reflecting to do. you will get to where i am i promise and i have faith that our lives and those around us will heal completely.

"coming out appears to me to be, a lifetime of lefts and rights a constant imperfect navigation"

constant love
nina
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My Sound Track

31 & Falling -- Chris Pureka
Beauty & The Beast --Stevie Nicks
Blood and Fire -- Indigo Girls
Bridge Over Troubled Water -- Aretha Franklin
Cold Shoulder -- Amy Ray
Cross Over To Me--Caitie Curtis
Drift Away -- Dobie Gray
I Knew I Loved You -- Savage Garden
I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry -- Cowboy Junkies
If I Needed You -- Lyle Lovett
Imagine -- John Lennon
In Memory Of Trees -- Enya
Me & My Baby--Amy Ray
Rock & Roll Heavens Gate--Indigo Girls
Romeo & Juliet--Indigo Girls
Sexuality -- KD Lang
The Weakness In Me -- Joan Armatrading
Three County Highway, Indigo Girls
Where I Stood--Missy Higgins
You Can Sleep While I Drive -- Melissa Etheridge
You're The Reason -- Antigone Rising

81 Things About Me

81 Things About Me

1. I'm blond.
2. I'm the oldest child.
3. I got my drivers license on my 16th birthday.
4. My favorite color is red.
5. I've never been skiing.
6. I never want to go skiing.
7. I went to catholic high school for one year.
8. My cat is 18 years old.
9. My car is always messy.
10. My kitchen is always clean, even when the rest of my house is a mess.
11. I spent years wearing acrylic fingernails.
12. I can sing the songs to every episode of the Backyardigans.
13. I can sing every song of the wiggles.
14. I have fat calves.
15. My favorite shoes are Birkenstocks and Keens.
16. I have a weakness for vanilla smelling anything body products.
17. I'm a burrito snob.
18. I'm a really good cook.
19. I love to cook.
20. I have a fire engine red Kitchen Aide mixer that I will never divorce.
21. I'm a Stevie Nick's fanatic.
22. I lived by the beach for 20 years.
23. I have a lot of Barry Manilow on my iPod.
24. I have a lot of Bon Jovi on my iPod.
25. I got my ears pierced for the 1st time when I was 10.
26. I have two kids.
27. I'm a terrible student.
28. I'm terribly nosy, and will google you.
29. My favorite fruit is watermelon.
30. My favorite TV show is Criminal Minds.
31. I love Sex and the City.
32. I'm trying to figure out who will actually go see SATC with me a the theater.
33. I've never owned a new car.
34. I'll probably never own a new car.
35. My pets all live to be extremely old.
36. I have a red car.
37. I nursed my son for 2 1/2 years.
38. I was only able to nurse my daughter for 4 months.
39. I still have boxes of albums and no turntable to play them on.
40. 50 is getting closer than I'm comfortable with.
41. I own a Ron Popiel Showtime Chicken Roaster.
42. I use aforementioned roaster at least once a week.
43. I used to be a chain smoker.
44. I quit smoking cold turkey. I've never had another ciggarette.
45. I'm a coffee addict.
46. I have really good hair.
47. I have really bad legs.
48. I love down comforters.
49. I love flannels sheets, but not with down comforters.
50. I used to be a fairly good potter.
51. I've had a computer since they were on DOS.
52. This is my 2nd Mac computer.
53. I'll never own a PC computer again.
54. My favorite junk food is Dorritos dipped in sour cream.
55. My favorite drinks are Tom and Jerry's.
56. I can't stand any kind of light colored beer.
57. I've seen a bear.
58. I used to be very shy when I was a child.
59. I'd kill for a Noah's Bagel.
60. I'm a night owl.
61. I babble in the car, I love to talk.
62. I never expected people to actually read my blog.
63. I am an expensive perfume whore.
64. I have a temper.
65. I work hard to control my temper.
66. I grew up in the desert.
67. I hate sushi.
68. I love Diet Coke.
69. I hate Diet Pepsi.
70. I made all my kids baby food.
71. My 1st car was a 76 Yellow Honda Civic Hachback with a black stripe.
72. I worked in an amusment park for the fee rides on the roller coasters.
73. I miss "MTV", the real old "MTV".
74. I have 3 piercings in each ear.
75. I have no tatoo's.
76. I really don't like chocolate that much.
77. I love gummi bears.
78. White gummi bears are my favorite.
79. I shave my legs every day.
80. I love Disco music.
81. I can drive a stick shift.