Hump Day

I called in sick to work today. I needed a mental health day.

Woke up this morning to a big wet spot in my bed courtesy of Small Son. He felt horrible, and I really couldn't deal with having to come home after work, after said pee had sat all day in 90+ temps on my pillow top mattress. I came home, used the steamer on it, then the spot bot. All is good.

Talked to my mom today as well. Told her some of what is going on in my life, not everything, but told her what was going on with hubby, him spiraling down, and my need to possibly get out. I asked her if I needed to, could I borrow some money to consult an attorney as I don't want this money coming out of our checking account because hubby will then know what I am up too. I was really surprised how supportive she was during the conversation, and basically told me if I needed money, it was there. What a farking relief.

So I spent today doing some cleaning therapy. Went through a bunch of boxes in the garage this morning. Our garage is a stye. It didn't used to be. I parked in it all last winter. Then hubby decided to go through boxes. He told me "I" needed to go through boxes. We have had boxes covering our garage floor for months.

So this morning, I went through a whole bunch of boxes. Parred my books down even further, found a bunch of paperbacks that I don't care about, so those are gone.

Went through boxes with letters and cards from my ex husband. Tossed them all without looking at them. Found a bunch of letters from my dad and my grandma, put those away. Three bags of garbage later, 2 boxes full of broken down cardboard and boxes still all over the garage, but it's a start. I pretty much figured hubby wasn't going to do it. I also cleaned the kids room, the living room.

I remembered my mom had sent me a steam cleaner last year (light bulb moment) so I dug it out of the closet, unpacked the box, got it out, and steamed my kitchen and dining room floor, it actually feels clean. Steamed my shower. Cleaned the living room and dining room. Cleaned toilets. Didn't make it any further in the bathrooms than that, but I will tonight when it cools down.

Loved the steamer, it got everything so clean with nothing but water. No chemicals, nothing. I didn't know I would like it like like I do.

I'm moving forward, but I'm dragging my feet. It's just so hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Some days I don't know how I can keep moving. I think though that doing positive things in my home, are the first step, at least I don't feel out of control quite so much. Still much cleaning to do, but it just feels so much cleaner already. I didn't realize how much the floor was bugging me.

Peace,

OC