Adventure in Back Woods Montana

Today, hubby and I had planned on taking the 4-wheelers out for a much needed spin. Unfortunately for us, the weather did not cooperate. We were going to take them up in the mountains, on some old dirt roads, up past some old gold mines and ghost towns.

Bang, here comes the rain. Not exactly what we wanted on a 50+ mile each way trek. So we bailed, and headed off for greener pastures.

We filled up my truck, and left the kids in the capable hands of one of my favorite sitters, and set off for a day long drive of rest and relaxation. We ended up in a tiny little town toward the Lewis and Clark National forest for breakfast. There were two cafe's, "Dotties" cafe, with a sign on the outskirts that said the food was "unforgettable", and then there was the "Truck Stop Cafe."

There were no cars in front of "Dotties", and a bunch of cars in front of "Truck Stop", so we thought, the more cars, the better. Not sure if this is the right tactic, but when faced with two divey looking diners in the middle of seriously bumf**K nowhere, you opt for the one with more population.

We walked into "Truck Stop". Wow....like walking back into another time. The waitress, I'm going to call her "Flo" because she reminded me of "Flo" from the old 70's TV show "Alice", not sure why because she was probably 20ish, hair in a banana clip, and wearing slouchy jeans and a bad looking black tshirt, smacking gum. Flo finally sauntered over to us and gave us a menu, and asked if we needed coffee. Of course we said yes.

(unused log cabin looking dining room)

I took a look at the menu. I was actually really hungry, and was thinking about steak and eggs, but I also wanted biscuits and gravy. Steak and egg's, with toast and hashbrowns was $11.25. Not sure why the .25, but that was the price. So I asked her if I could get the steak and eggs, and sub out the toast and hashbrowns with biscuits and gravy. This is a pretty common practice in Montana, not that big of a deal.

(Mishmash of crap on the counter)

She looked at me, smacked her gum as if to give her answer a little more attitude and said, "well OUR biscuits and gravy are $5.95."

I figured that was a "no." Ouch...those are some 'spensive B & G's. I told her no, well then I'll take the B & G with the egg, scrambled and could I have a side of sausage? She looked at me again, and smacked that gum, and said, "we only have patties". Um...OK Flo, I'll take a patty.

(notice the lovely wood paneling and red carpet on the floor and very comfy table and chairs in the background)

Hubby looked at Flo, I think he was a bit intimidated by her, and said, "I'll have the same, but the egg over easy, and can I have two eggs?"

Flo smacked again, and said, "the extra egg will be $1.00." Well, OK Flo, give him the damn dollar egg.

After we got the order placed, I started looking around. Gad...you'd have to have been there. I took some pictures, but there was a table of very old cowboy looking gentlemen (I'm sure they were gentlemen) talking about their onions and pulling off the suckers.

There was a table with a Grandma and Grandpa and two little boys, their conversation reminding me so much of what goes on with my own two kids. The little one didn't want his ham, and the older one did. But because the older one did, the little one suddenly wanted the ham, but still didn't want to eat it. Grandma to her credit told little man that if he wasn't going to eat it, she was going to let big brother eat it, and the little one sort of lost interest.

At another table, there were some middle aged rough looking biker guys in full leathers, and across the room by the wall, was a middle aged guy. Flo came up to him, and said, "I know what you want, you want a two-legger." He laughed and said "yes." It was all I could do not to go over and ask him what a "two-legger" was.

I looked into the kitchen about this time, and saw Flo back there unloading the dishwasher. She carefully inspected each plate, and discarded more than she kept. I looked at hubby and said, "Uh oh, she is trying to find clean dishes out of the dishwasher." I guess a little Truck Stop dirt wouldn't hurt us.

Finally, the food came out. It was just OK, nothing special and their B&G's were not of the $5.95 variety. For those of you not in the "know" about B&G's, they usually run about $3.95 which includes an egg in most places. It's a cheap hearty meal, not a gourmet fare by any means. I couldn't even finish mine because they tasted "off."

Finally, we were ready to go, and I had to use the "girls-room." I went in, and sort of looked around. The smell was reminiscent of a nursing home. It was horrible. There was an actual turd floating in the toilet. The walls were wood paneled.

(I had to stop myself from the turd photo-op)

There was a Kotex machine on the wall selling Kotex for the bargain basement price of .10 cents. I guess they were not gourmet Kotex.

(bargain basement Kotex machine)

The sink, was straight out of the 70,'s with a fugly orange candle on it, along with a pump soap bottle of dish soap.

(fugly sink, notice lovely orange citronella candle and soap dispenser full of dish soap)

Arrrgh. I just about lost the off tasting B & G's right there, but I had already had way too much coffee, and really needed to use the facilities.

So I flushed the turd (sure of my own abilities after two kids), and squatted , washed my hands in Ivory dish soap.

I wiped my hands on my jeans in lieu of paper towels since A. the machine was jammed up, and B. I was afraid to touch it. I used some TP to open the door.

I finally escaped the bathroom and had to creep past the old men still talking about onion suckers, and thankfully hubby had paid the bill and I was able to escape.

I made him stop at the mini market and bought myself a very large Diet Coke (even though I'm pretty much off Diet Coke), a box of donuts and a bag of Dorrito's.

So, there you go, breakfast Montana Style!!!

Peace,

OC