Hot On The Trail

Night number three on the phones.

I have to say it's getting much easier. I ran into some pretty rude people tonight. I was told many things, "I'm a STAUNCH Republican", "I wouldn't vote for Barack Obama if my life depended on it" (It's a good thing I was able to keep my mouth shut because I nearly said, you should be glad your life is not depending on it!).

Many many people told me they were voting for McCain. Each and every time, my heart sank a bit. I honestly don't understand why anyone would vote for McCain. I'm trying, and I was my very polite Old Crone self, and just said simply "Thank you for your time."

Mindful that any acting up on my part, would ultimately be taken out on my candidate. There were a few I ran into tonight though, that did my heart good.

I called one household, a married couple in their 70's. The wife answered. I told her who I was, and why I was calling. She told me she planned on voting for Barack, and when I asked her what drew her to Obama, she said she loved his integrity, and she couldn't stand McCain. When I asked her how her husband planned on voting, she stated, "He planned on voting for Obama, but he passed away last week."

I really didn't know what to say to her. I just said "I'm so sorry for your loss." I told her I would keep her in my prayers, and she said, "you go get em." How can someone in that deep of grief be so strong? I have a feeling she was an amazing woman.

Another call I made, I found out that the kids I was calling for was already a volunteer for Barack in another city here in Montana. The woman that answered the phone was named "Sherry", and when I asked her who she planned on voting for, she said, "Oh, our entire family will be voting for Barack. She and I had quite a conversation, and I asked her if she would be interested in volunteering.

She said YES before the sentence was even out of my mouth. She was excited, and said she would come into the office this week. I told her I thought she had made a great choice. I then told her that watching the RNC was what got me off my butt to get out and do something, that I HAD to do something. She said the same thing happened to her.

I told her that I volunteered 3 nights a week, and that I worked full time, and had two little kids, and that I still thought this was worth it for my kids sake. She agreed, and I hope that she comes in one night while I was there.

I talked to quite a few men in their 30's, and they all seemed to be in Obama's camp. It does my heart good to talk to people about this. Tonight's list was not pulled off the strictly dem lists, and the people on it had not been called by us yet. It was a good night. The only thing is, my boy Fits was not there tonight and I missed him terribly.

Changing subjects, I was in a terrible funk today at work. I was in a foul mood when I went in, Little Miss was so hard this morning, and by the time I got to work, I was just not fit for human company. I know I was rude to my co-workers, and I apologized to them this afternoon, but I don't know. I may have crossed the line with my anti-social behavior.

I think there is so much brewing under my surface, I have a hard time even functioning in a normal sense at work. I feel like my whole life is under wraps, and it's hard to have a conversation without letting it out. My one confidante at work, left for another job in the state, and I really do miss her. She was having marriage problems as well, and we had many long talks about it.

It also could be that I'm just missing home so much lately. I don't want to live in CA again, it's too expensive. But I can't say that I'm not missing San Francisco terribly. I am. I'm not sure I've ever been this homesick.

I think it's because no matter where I lived before Montana, I was able to get to the coast. I was able to get to the beach in a few hours. I could go and rejuv.

Now, I'm so locked down.

I can't go anywhere because of my kids and my job, and I just feel cut off. I must look like a walking pus filled boil sometimes. I really have never felt anything like this.

I never knew inner turmoil could take on this color and smell. I'm sure it's coming off of me in giant wafts of ickyness. Maybe living in Montana is too much for my California soul. I'm gonna break soon, I can feel it. I never thought in a million years that my feelings would over take me this fast. When I started this blog, I really believed in my soul that I would be able to live like this. Now, I know I cannot.

One last thing, when I came home tonight, my kids were in bed. But the little boogers were still up, looking out their bedroom window waiting for me to come home. I loved that, and it made me incredibly happy to get to see them tonight.

Peace,

OC