Early Early Morning

I'm sitting on my huge hotel bed. I slept like a rock, and I feel like my cold might just be on the mend. I spent most of yesterday with my grandma, and she looks much better than I had thought she would

It's funny a weekend by myself as feels so good, but I miss my babies.

I woke up this morning though, after an intense dream.

I was in love with a woman. A beautiful woman with a wonderful soul. I was out to my friends an family, and we were planning our life together. I wasn't out to my babies or their father. I was no longer with him, I was living with my love.

Many gay friends from my past were in this dream, and celebrating with me, as were all of my very close friends. We had a lovely little house with a lawn of green out in the back, and I no longer lived here.

I finally had the courage to tell my husband that I was in love with a woman, that I wanted to be with her. He was upset, but in my dream, I kept telling him that "I had a perfectly wonderful home, and he would work with me on the children." My children in turn were very accepting.

I woke up from this dream in a dead sweat. I feel very sad, and very much relieved at the same time.

I woke up dreaming of being in her arms, of loving her, of feeling a sense of oneness and completion I have never felt the likes of in this life before. My hands are still shaking.

I feel a great sense of loss, just because I am no longer sleeping and dreaming.

There will be a lot to think on today on my drive home.

Peace,

OC