Not so Manic Monday

Why is it, that no matter what I do, I feel like I’m doing it wrong?

I think I just have too many high expectations of the people in my life.

Clarity of thought. I think that is what has struck me lately as the focus of this point in my life.

I know what I am.

I know who I am.

What I don’t know is how to get there. I don’t know how to leap out, and reach for what I want.

It sounds so simple when I think about it.

Then I factor in every other piece of my life (my kids), and suddenly it’s like I’m trying to construct the Golden Gate Bridge, instead of merely walking across it.

I think mental clarity, without a clear plan of action, is what is messing with my head.

I just keep playing the same music over in my iPod, and the same thoughts over and over in my head. I’m happy, but not content.

A friend of me emailed me this morning, and said this, that she was thinking that:

“there is something else out there, something that would make you more happy, something that you are missing. But in order to get to that place, you would have to give up some things that you currently have. It would be a big change – and maybe, you feel you could live with your current situation because it is not intolerable, it’s just that it could be better”.

That pretty much sums it up in a nutshell right now. It’s tolerable, but not what I really want. But I know I don’t want to break up my family either. So where does that leave me now?

Hopefully someday, when circumstances change, and my kids are older, it will leave me in a place of mental clarity to do what I finally need to do to make myself really happy.

Peace,

OC