40 Gazillion Kisses

I really feel like writing tonight, but it's Wednesday night, and tonight happens to be a new episode of "Criminal Minds". I'm addicted to Criminal Minds, and I especially think Garcia is a babe.

Anyway, as I'm trying to watch this new episode, my small son and daughter are going to sleep, or should I say, trying to go to sleep.

I don't know why it is, that on the ONE night of the week I actually want to watch something, they decide it's time to play romper room in their bedroom. All I can say is I'm glad I Tivo'ed it. I missed half of it.

This is almost the same scenario that plays out on the weekends...on the day’s I “can” sleep in, my kids wake me at 5AM...it’s not fair, I have already done the all night baby thing, the co-sleeping thing, the last 5 years of total exhaustion, so why do they have to do this now?? I love them so much, that I can’t even think of turning them away, so most nights my king sized bed is pretty crowded.

My son just came into my room. Even though I've tucked him in about 5 times, gotten him some water, gave him hugs, kisses and cuddles, he just came tip toeing in, saying he "needed" more cuddles. I told him he had already had "40 Gazillion hugs, kisses and cuddles". He then said, "yes, but not tonight". I don't know why I think that is so cute, maybe because he looked so serious and contemplative when he said it. It was one of those moments that make being a mom really worth it, even though I'm about to pull my teeth out from having two kids going through the "terrible twos" at the same time, even though one of them is about to turn 5. He never went through the TT's, but he's definitely going through the terrible 4's.

Also, my "friend" told me today her new boyfriend was coming from CA for a visit. I know this shouldn't bug me, for gads sake I'm married, but it does. It bothers me in that jealous way I don't want it to bother me.

Damn, I just don't know what to do or feel anymore. So I sit here, and let my mind wander in all sorts of ways.

I should set some goals for this year, but I always find that destructive. If I don’t do them, then I feel like crap...if I do, I get cocky...

Goals should be seen and not heard. I can’t say them, because that will jinx myself, and I don’t do resolutions, but I do wishes and hopes, maybe that is the same thing, who the hell knows anyway??

Oh, and by the way, a huge bag of Dorrito’s and sour cream dip is calling my name...so I must go indulge..

I wish for happiness and love in the new year, what’s your wish??