I spent my entire day smelling a pot of beans cooking in my kitchen in the crock pot. Smelled seriously good. Too good. I should say, I am a good cook, I always have been. I love cooking. So, when the time came to open the crock pot, and serve this wonderful meal to my family, I was pretty confident it was going to be perfect.
WRONG!!!!!
Horrible....nastiness in a crock. It was way too salty, the beans were still a bit crunchy, the sausage was overdone, and come on, we all know crunchy beans is not where it's at. Crunchy women, yes...crunchy beans...no way, no how.
I smiled at my kids, and said, this is yummy, hoping they would take the bait...neither one did. It's sort of analogous to everything else that's going on in my life, or in my mind right now. Smile pretty, and pretend it's all OK.
@!@@$%$#@#$%%^^&%$
Ok...I've done my swearing for the night. I'm running around my head again, trying to figure out what to do. You see, my downfall, really is that I am such a planner, I can never just sit and let things take their natural course, I have to push, push, push. I'm a pusher. God help me I am.
I know this personal evolution I'm going through is going to take time, to understand, to evolve, to make a damned plan. I wish my life wasn't so complicated.
It's not complicated in the sense that there is so much going on, but more because I just can't make my life revolve around me. I have two little kids, under 5, who need me to be their mommy.
How inconvenient is this, that I'm doing major major self discovery now???
I should have done this ages ago. I'm not such an OLD crone, but I'm getting there. In my life experience, I am old. I've moved so much. I've lived in so many different places, and I know I've said this before, but I still don't understand why I didn't explore this before..when I could. Why???? Why??? Am I simply a masochist?
If you are interested at all, the crunchy beans hit the disposal at full force, which is maybe what needed to be done, but it was painful all the same, to work on something, nurture it, smell it, taste it, then dump it....
I'm sleepless again, and my happy pill has yet to kick in. Hopefully it will soon.
WRONG!!!!!
Horrible....nastiness in a crock. It was way too salty, the beans were still a bit crunchy, the sausage was overdone, and come on, we all know crunchy beans is not where it's at. Crunchy women, yes...crunchy beans...no way, no how.
I smiled at my kids, and said, this is yummy, hoping they would take the bait...neither one did. It's sort of analogous to everything else that's going on in my life, or in my mind right now. Smile pretty, and pretend it's all OK.
@!@@$%$#@#$%%^^&%$
Ok...I've done my swearing for the night. I'm running around my head again, trying to figure out what to do. You see, my downfall, really is that I am such a planner, I can never just sit and let things take their natural course, I have to push, push, push. I'm a pusher. God help me I am.
I know this personal evolution I'm going through is going to take time, to understand, to evolve, to make a damned plan. I wish my life wasn't so complicated.
It's not complicated in the sense that there is so much going on, but more because I just can't make my life revolve around me. I have two little kids, under 5, who need me to be their mommy.
How inconvenient is this, that I'm doing major major self discovery now???
I should have done this ages ago. I'm not such an OLD crone, but I'm getting there. In my life experience, I am old. I've moved so much. I've lived in so many different places, and I know I've said this before, but I still don't understand why I didn't explore this before..when I could. Why???? Why??? Am I simply a masochist?
If you are interested at all, the crunchy beans hit the disposal at full force, which is maybe what needed to be done, but it was painful all the same, to work on something, nurture it, smell it, taste it, then dump it....
I'm sleepless again, and my happy pill has yet to kick in. Hopefully it will soon.
sorry about dinner!
ReplyDeletei more than understand the struggle you face with these questions knocking around your brain. my best advice is one i rarely take, BREATHE.
oxox
nina
Breathing is harder than it seems...
ReplyDelete