Old Crone is on the loose again

What is it with Sunday nights and me??

Here I am, again, awake, it’s almost 1 AM and I can’t sleep. I don’t know if it is the combo of sleeping in and the long nap I took today, or if I really am starting to have an issue with Sunday Night.

I’m pretty sure that it is tomorrow. I’m supposed to go out to lunch with “her” and another friend of ours for “her” birthday. I haven’t gotten a gift, and I’m finding myself not really wanting to go, but also not knowing just how to get out of it gracefully. I’m sure I’ll end up going, and maybe I’ll just stay quiet and not say much. I don’t know. Everything seems turned upside down and sideways to me tonight.

I’ve had way too much sleep and coffee for my own good today as well. I am reeling with how I’m feeling. I really feel “over it”, I’m starting to really feel this, but at the same time, I find myself being pissed up one side and down the other at her. I purposefully avoid seeing or talking to her, and she is so busy, I don’t think she has noticed.

When am I ever going to feel like things are “right” in my life. I feel like at any given time, things could shift, and down me and my kids would go, spiraling down, down, into some Willy Wonka version of hell. I’m constantly holding my breath, waiting for “it” to happen.

So to chill, I listen to my iPod, and write. Funny thing about writing, I found a bunch of my really old writing journals this weekend, from when was 25. I sound just like I do now. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.

Totally off subject, but I was watching this show tonight called “my big redneck wedding”, and there really is a part of me that thinks ...what’s wrong with getting married on a quad??? Maybe I’m just more Walmart than Macy’s, except that Macy’s has better shoes.

I have a bunch of new tunes on my iPod that I will really check out tomorrow at work. One thing I love about my job, is I can pretty much put on my head phones and just work, no one really bugs me too much. I get a lot of work done this way, and I’m so tired of dealing with the public, that this job is really to my liking because I can just put on my music and tune out the world.
It’s been snowing again all day, but it hasn’t stuck much. It’s supposed to tonight, we’ll see.

My computer just told me it’s 1 AM....sometimes I hate that little computer voice that reminds me I’m failing at sleep, but then I’ve always failed at sleep. Especially at night. I’d rather stay awake and write, or read, or watch a movie.

I know I’m going around and around in circles in this posting, but that’s because my head is going around and around in circles as well.

Well, if anyone made it this fare congratulate you.

Goodnight and Peace,

OC