BearsMountain: The Cave, Part 200

March 27, 2008

The Cave, Part 200

I went out to coffee with "her" on Saturday. I've been trying to process this since then, and can't really seem to get any real perspective.

Is this ever going to be over for me?

The problem of falling for one of your best friends, is she is still one of my best friends. I've really tried to cut off most of the contact, just for my own poor little feelings. I'm not doing very well at this.

We went to the "cave" on Saturday AM and it just felt like it always did. She's looking into my eyes, and I'm looking into hers. Both of us are avoiding the elephant in the room, and just talking, but I can tell she is feeling exactly what I am.

See, the thing is, my feelings are so intense, that it's hard to ignore them for very long. I wish I could put this behind me, but it's not working.

She and I went on a few errands on Saturday morning after the cave, and she kept getting touchy again, I was pushing my cart around our local whole food store, and she pushed hers by me, and rubbed my back, for the briefest of seconds, but she did. In the car she stroked my hair.

Am I freaking nuts??? Considering what has gone on between us in the past, does this sort of behavior suggest "just friends" to you?

Hell..I don't know.

I wish I could get the thought of her out of my head, but she is like crack for me. It's horrible and wonderful all at the same time.

Peace,

OC

5 comments:

Me. Here. Right now.3/28/2008 9:04 AM
It suggests, at a minimum, DESIRE. Hope you can talk about it with her soon.
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Martini Cartwheels3/28/2008 3:06 PM
I agree with Hahn. You two shared something very special and I can't imagine your feelings for her are going to fade any time soon. Talking is always good, unless you are afraid it will push her away.
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Mon3/28/2008 3:21 PM
Lori,

At least I don't feel like I'm crazy so much with your comment, and CJ, I don't think I can go there with her, at least right now. So here I am stuck with lamenting about it all the time.
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Janet3/28/2008 3:36 PM
I think the two of you should talk about it -- I don't think it's healthy for you to be in a relationship where you are always wanting more, always tormented.

It's hard to move on but it is easier in the long run.

Janet
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jl3/29/2008 1:16 AM
"freakin nuts"? no... in a tough spot? yes....you'll find your way through it. keep believing that.
j.
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