I finally feel like I can put the past months behind me a bit. I have just bit the proverbial bullet and basically cut contact with “her”.
My anger is lessening, and my ability to concentrate is coming back. I’m enjoying my family life, and working on moving forward, though it is still so incredibly hard.
I am finally ready to say it to myself, I mean really admit to myself that I was really falling in love with her, and in the end, my feelings got trashed. I’m sure hers did as well. I don’t even know what to say about it, except it has been so hard, and such a learning experience.
I want to live a brave life. I fulfilled life. A life of joy. A life filled with passion. This is the one thing I’m really lacking.
Passion with a capitol “P”.
Maybe become a “passionista”..how is that for a made up word?
I could just begin by writing erotic stories.
I’ve always thought it would be a fun hobby. Maybe write them in a team setting.
Get wild and crazy via the written word. Is that possible?
Although I love my husband tremendously, I’m just not that into sex anymore.
I really have no desire, which is the hardest of my struggles at this time.
I think the one thing the experience with “her” taught me, is that I really do prefer making love to a woman. It wasn’t just a “fantasy” any longer, but a reality.
A wonderful thrilling reality. It was so mental and I felt so connected to her, just like warm amber flowing through my veins. I couldn’t tell where I left off and she began.
My eyes were closed, my fingers on fire and my senses alive. I turned into a feeling being, with no thought of “when” it was going to be over, I didn’t want it to be over. When I kissed her, when I touched her breasts for the first time, it was like a mountain of hot flowing lava exploded inside of my body.
This is the hardest part of my memory of “her”. The memory of the feelings, the erotic fulfillment of a lifetime of “wanting it to be over”.
So there you have it dear readers, I will probably have to spill my soul again, as I am a Cancer, and I am moody, and I am terribly emotional. I just want someone out there to really understand my quest, and my journey into the inner recesses of my soul.
Peace,
OC
Wow, lots of emotion in that post. Pretty amazing how wonderful it feels to connect with someone like that and how much it tears at us to be away from it. Intense. Had to read this one more than once.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteIt takes a minute to meet someone and a lifetime to forget them ... I sometimes wonder myself why it has to be that tough. But there is one consolation there, you're not alone in feeling the pain!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I have never understood how people can not bare their souls. I probably say way too much but I feel like I don't harbor anything that way. But I know so many people that I know nothing about because they never say anything....
ReplyDeletehard to tell what works better.
You rock.
"I could just begin by writing erotic stories. I’ve always thought it would be a fun hobby. Maybe write them in a team setting. Get wild and crazy via the written word. Is that possible?"
ReplyDelete(whisper) This is possible on the internet. (You didn't hear this from me)