My Day of Mourning.

Today is so cloudy and rainy out.

The clouds have rolled in to stay, and the smell of rain in the air outside is strong.

I love rain like this, especially in Montana. It reminds me of beach weather. Wet, cold and rough.

I’ve never been one to really like the sunny beaches. I’ve always been drawn to the rocky cold wildness of the Northern California coast. I lived over half my life in that area. I lived amongst the Redwoods and the coastal rocks for years. I loved it. It was where I was really at home.

My favorite time at the beach, is alone, in extreme fog and cold, bundled up in some big shirts and sweatshirts, listening to music in my then Sony Walkman.

Walking along the beach for as long as I felt like it. I loved the salty smell in the air, the screech of the Sea Gulls. My favorite birds are Seagulls. I love them. I love the sounds they make. I love how aggressive they can be. I love sharing space with them.

There are lots of places in this world that I really love. I love the deserts of New Mexico and Arizona, and the Mountains of Montana. I love Washington State and Oregon, but no place takes my breath away as much as Humboldt County in CA. That is where my soul calls home.

The forests in Arcata where I went to college are pretty close to the beach, so you get the foggy mist, but 10 feet in and you are in dense redwood groves. With ferns, fog and trees. I loved to hike those hills back then. I was stubborn and bull headed because I didn’t want anyone to go with me.

Finally I decided to get a dog, so that I could go alone and not be alone. I got a big black lab puppy named Lucy. Together we explored the entire northern coastline together. I remember the first time I took her to the beach, she had this fat little puppy belly, was black as night and I had a cute pink collar on her.

When I put her down in the sand, she piddled and shook. Weeks later, she made big circles around me as I walked, no longer frightened. I never did need a leash for her because she wouldn’t go farther than 5 feet from me, for any reason. I miss that dog terribly. I can’t see myself ever having the time or energy to raise a dog like that again.

She was well trained, and I took her everywhere with me. She probably went into every rest stop bathroom up and down I-5 with me, I got looks, but people left me alone, which is what I wanted.

So where am I going with this. I am missing the coast terribly. I want some clam chowder that doesn’t come out of a can. I want to smell fish in the air. I miss having time to myself with nothing to do, except what I want to do. I am considering today, a day of mourning, for the coast I no longer am able to have in my life.