I'm Being Eaten Alive!

By mosquito's and god knows what else.

Fuck...I'm one big itch. I think this place (Illinois) is really pretty, really green and lush, lots of farms, but damn....too many bugs for my west coast soul.

I even put the dreaded "OFF" on both the kids and myself tonight, I couldn't take it any longer. How do people live like this? I went outside, and immediately felt like one giant snack for insect kind. I've been using all sorts of non toxic stuff for bug control, but it's not working. I can see these things flying all over, I can feel them landing on me for a drink, I see my kids hopping when they feel them. I feel like my skin is crawling from them.

We went into the city today. I don't know if people here call Chicago "the city" like they do San Francisco, but it's too ingrained in my head to call it anything else.

From the moment we stepped off the train platform at Ogilvie (not sure of the spelling), I felt at home. Totally home. I had thought, getting back to a big city would make me feel overwhelmed after living in the sticks for so long, not so.

I realized just how much I miss urban life. I walked by street musicians, street food smells, over bridges, took some taxi's and dealt with people in general that were in "city mode". I saw the "bus face" again for the first time in years.

We went to Sears Tower and Navy Pier. Both really fun. We had a great time, I let my kids eat junk until their tummies were too full to eat anymore. I actually let them have two ice creams withing 30 minutes, I just couldn't say no to them. We walked and walked. I looked like the tourist with a camera around my neck. I took my small son on the Ferris wheel on Navy Pier.

I soaked it in, I felt my skin drinking in life, all of it. I saw so many people who aren't white, it was wonderful. I forget sometimes now, just how "white" Montana is. Granted, it is getting better, but the sheer number of cultures, smells, languages and nuances today didn't overwhelm me, it comforted me in a way that completely took me by surprise. It felt like home to me.

Hubby and I got along today, and the kids behaved like little angels. Little Miss not only stayed in her stroller, she seemed happy to ride. She pretty much stayed dry the entire time, wanting to go potty at every place she saw a potty. I took her every time she asked, and she was so proud of herself.

One funny thing, and this might be TMI, was that every I pottied, she was with me, but when I had finished, she would look at me, with the cutest little look on her face and say, "Good Job Mommy." The sweetness of her overwhelms me sometimes.

I felt myself completely falling for my daughter today. Hands down, I fell more in love with her than I ever have. As we were riding home on the train, she fell asleep with her little blond curly head on my chest, and looked so much like the baby I rocked to sleep 3 years ago, just older. But I could see the baby in her today, the trust she has in me is overwhelming for me sometimes. I hope I don't let her down. I hope I am able to stand strong and be a decent mother and role model for her.

Tomorrow is going to be a quiet day, with a trip to Trader Joe's (I'm too excited about this), then an evening doing laundry and getting ready to start home on Friday. I am ready to go home. Honestly I wish we were leaving tomorrow. I'm sick of the bugs, sick of the bites, and feeling the need to get my hands dirty in my garden.

I fell in love with Chicago a bit, but I know, if I ever live in the big city again, it will most likely be Seattle, or home in SF. There are just too many bugs here, and this humid heat is making me look like a sweating pig, and I don't sweat, I "glow".

Peace,

OC