BearsMountain: Homeward Bound

July 17, 2008

Homeward Bound

Tomorrow we start home.

I'm ready.

I want my garden back, and I'm anxious to see how it's doing. I hope it has survived without me, and that all the beans I planted before I left are starting to come up.

I've been thinking about someone lately. I feel so comforted when I think of this person, even though this person is an online friend, for some reason, it feels like we get each other.

I'm feeling really emotional tonight, and really lonely. I want to cuddle up with a kindred spirit with a nice bottle of wine, a jacuzzi bath, wonderful conversation, and electric sex. If I could wish on a star tonight, this is what I would wish for. I can almost feel this, I want it so bad.

Hubby wanted sex again today, and I put him off. I feel bad, but I also know he won't ask me why I don't feel like having sex with him. Am I destined to always be unhappy and unsettled?

My hands are as are falling asleep, my mind is not.

I'm listening to my favorite playlist on my iPod...it is titled "The Girls 4".

This trip has been such a struggle for me. It has been a place of great mental clarity as well. By the time I get home, I will have traveled through 8 states I've never been to before.

My kids are so spoiled I know it will be a struggle to get them back into their regular schedules. I have let them eat too much junk, I have let them swim every day, I have let them stay up past their bedtime and watch movies falling asleep, I have pretty much let go of all their limits and restrictions within reason. They have had a blast, and have actually surprised me with their very good behavior and loving spirits. I have been spoiled by so very many cuddles and kisses. What the heck, it's their vacation too!

I just adore my kids. I love them more than I ever thought I could love another person. I tell them this every day. They need to know their mama loves them silly. I ask my small son sometimes, "Why do I love you so much?"

His answer is, "because you made me mommy."

Who says children aren't smart? They really do hold the answers to life and love.

Peace,

OC

5 comments:

Anna7/18/2008 7:49 AM
Kids are resilient. They'll bounce back after a few days of making your life hell. And when they're older, they won't remember all the times they went to bed on time. They'll remember swimming every day on their holiday, and getting to stay up as late as they want.

I hope you get what you need.
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Brad7/18/2008 2:51 PM
I kinda feel like I ot to go on your vacation too. Except I didn't have to deal with your husband. Thanks for the ride!
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Anonymous7/19/2008 2:41 AM
I have been there. That place between stuck and freedom. It will get better. Your kids sound like the three little people I adore so much. It is amazing the strength they give us parents! Keep your chin up!
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La Mamacita7/19/2008 7:50 AM
I think I am ready to go home, too. Haven't really felt at my 100% and am just tired. We did finally move off the Strip and out to North Las Vegas yesterday so it is a bit more restful here. What I miss most is actually being in charge of my own food. My stomach is covered in red "yes I ate soy" bumps.

Kids are stirring, must get my shower in while the gettins good!

Be well, OC.
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Martini Cartwheels7/20/2008 7:52 AM
I'm glad you had the chance to get away. How great it must have been to see the kids having such a fun time.

Things will fall into place for you. I am sure of it.

I hope your enjoy your ride home and that the garden is popping with lots of great stuff.
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My Sound Track

31 & Falling -- Chris Pureka
Beauty & The Beast --Stevie Nicks
Blood and Fire -- Indigo Girls
Bridge Over Troubled Water -- Aretha Franklin
Cold Shoulder -- Amy Ray
Cross Over To Me--Caitie Curtis
Drift Away -- Dobie Gray
I Knew I Loved You -- Savage Garden
I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry -- Cowboy Junkies
If I Needed You -- Lyle Lovett
Imagine -- John Lennon
In Memory Of Trees -- Enya
Me & My Baby--Amy Ray
Rock & Roll Heavens Gate--Indigo Girls
Romeo & Juliet--Indigo Girls
Sexuality -- KD Lang
The Weakness In Me -- Joan Armatrading
Three County Highway, Indigo Girls
Where I Stood--Missy Higgins
You Can Sleep While I Drive -- Melissa Etheridge
You're The Reason -- Antigone Rising

81 Things About Me

81 Things About Me

1. I'm blond.
2. I'm the oldest child.
3. I got my drivers license on my 16th birthday.
4. My favorite color is red.
5. I've never been skiing.
6. I never want to go skiing.
7. I went to catholic high school for one year.
8. My cat is 18 years old.
9. My car is always messy.
10. My kitchen is always clean, even when the rest of my house is a mess.
11. I spent years wearing acrylic fingernails.
12. I can sing the songs to every episode of the Backyardigans.
13. I can sing every song of the wiggles.
14. I have fat calves.
15. My favorite shoes are Birkenstocks and Keens.
16. I have a weakness for vanilla smelling anything body products.
17. I'm a burrito snob.
18. I'm a really good cook.
19. I love to cook.
20. I have a fire engine red Kitchen Aide mixer that I will never divorce.
21. I'm a Stevie Nick's fanatic.
22. I lived by the beach for 20 years.
23. I have a lot of Barry Manilow on my iPod.
24. I have a lot of Bon Jovi on my iPod.
25. I got my ears pierced for the 1st time when I was 10.
26. I have two kids.
27. I'm a terrible student.
28. I'm terribly nosy, and will google you.
29. My favorite fruit is watermelon.
30. My favorite TV show is Criminal Minds.
31. I love Sex and the City.
32. I'm trying to figure out who will actually go see SATC with me a the theater.
33. I've never owned a new car.
34. I'll probably never own a new car.
35. My pets all live to be extremely old.
36. I have a red car.
37. I nursed my son for 2 1/2 years.
38. I was only able to nurse my daughter for 4 months.
39. I still have boxes of albums and no turntable to play them on.
40. 50 is getting closer than I'm comfortable with.
41. I own a Ron Popiel Showtime Chicken Roaster.
42. I use aforementioned roaster at least once a week.
43. I used to be a chain smoker.
44. I quit smoking cold turkey. I've never had another ciggarette.
45. I'm a coffee addict.
46. I have really good hair.
47. I have really bad legs.
48. I love down comforters.
49. I love flannels sheets, but not with down comforters.
50. I used to be a fairly good potter.
51. I've had a computer since they were on DOS.
52. This is my 2nd Mac computer.
53. I'll never own a PC computer again.
54. My favorite junk food is Dorritos dipped in sour cream.
55. My favorite drinks are Tom and Jerry's.
56. I can't stand any kind of light colored beer.
57. I've seen a bear.
58. I used to be very shy when I was a child.
59. I'd kill for a Noah's Bagel.
60. I'm a night owl.
61. I babble in the car, I love to talk.
62. I never expected people to actually read my blog.
63. I am an expensive perfume whore.
64. I have a temper.
65. I work hard to control my temper.
66. I grew up in the desert.
67. I hate sushi.
68. I love Diet Coke.
69. I hate Diet Pepsi.
70. I made all my kids baby food.
71. My 1st car was a 76 Yellow Honda Civic Hachback with a black stripe.
72. I worked in an amusment park for the fee rides on the roller coasters.
73. I miss "MTV", the real old "MTV".
74. I have 3 piercings in each ear.
75. I have no tatoo's.
76. I really don't like chocolate that much.
77. I love gummi bears.
78. White gummi bears are my favorite.
79. I shave my legs every day.
80. I love Disco music.
81. I can drive a stick shift.