I had a dream last night, about meeting up with a bunch of friends, and going swimming. Along the way, I lost all my clothes and was running around in only a towel. I went into this store (still in only wrapped in a towel) to get coffee because I was out, and everywhere I turned, there was only one container of coffee, and right as I would reach for it, someone else got to it first. Every once in awhile on my coffee quest, I would notice my towel was hanging down and I was for all intense purposes standing there naked looking for coffee.
Then I wanted to buy bagels, and I could only find a 24 pack. Just weird food dreams. The weirdest part was the giant snapping turtle at my feet through out the entire dream. I kept having to move my feet, since he kept trying to snap at me.
On to other things besides my wild wild dream life.
I've been thinking so much on what I want to do, and when. Now that my life is calming down a bit from the summer, I think I'm ready to start tackling this. "This" sounds so innocuous, for my life, but it is what it is. I feel so strongly that I need to have a firm plan in place before I make a move.
I know once I jump, it's likely that hubby will for all intense purposes fall apart. I need to be ready for the fall out from this. If this happens the way I suspect, he is going to fight me tooth and nail, and at the same time, be of no help to me and the kids. I have to be ready to make it in all possible ways without him.
It's likely that he will fall to the bottom of his pit. So that may mean keeping the kids away from him for a time. It also means that he could possibly (quite possibly) need some sort of inpatient rehab, if he is willing. "If" is the operative word here.
I have to decide if I want to remain in MT, or move somewhere else and also how practical that would be, considering I have a good job here with great retirement. State jobs are not exactly something you want to turn your nose up at, still it's possible I could remain a state employee and move to a different section of the state, closer to my cousin.
It's possible I will lose a great portion of my actual support system here in MT. Many of our friends were his friends first, and you know how that usually goes during a break up.
Peace,
OC
True friends will remain by your side. And with the doors you may be opening, you will have the opportunity to meet and make lots of new friends. I am sure of it.
ReplyDeleteWhat a scary time. I have been there and survived. It was tough...I worried everyday if this was going to hurt my kids. In the end, I have three amazing, well adjusted, happy children, and a relationship I wouldn't change the world for. No more going through the motions...but real love. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteIn native culture, turtles have signifcant power. If I was at home, I would look them up in myanimal speak book, and I may be able to do that tomorrow. To me, they walk between two worlds, as they are dependent on both land and water for sustenance. For me, food in dreams represents security.
ReplyDeleteThinking about a plan sounds like a good place to start.
I don't know what your dreams mean, but when you mentioned turtles, all I could think about was how long it's been since I had turtle soup. :)
ReplyDeleteOne. Day. At. A. Time.
Peace.