Hiding My Head

I've been having a hard time writing lately.

I'm really not sure why.

I know, that I'm sitting here, on my very rumpled bed, close to midnight on a Saturday night. My house is again trashed, my tooth is still killing me, and Little Miss has a cold.

I started wondering today, where the heck is the time going anyway. My work week from hell, though it feels like yesterday was nearly two weeks ago. My tooth has been on the fritz for almost a week, with another week to go until the very much wanted root canal. You know it's hurting when you WANT a root canal.

So anyway, where to from here?

I'm boring myself lately.

Sometimes I think I really just want things to fall apart, so I can get on with it, you know? This hanging around, trying to keep my family balanced is so hard, so torturous, that sometimes I don't quite know what to do.

I'm the owner of two distinct lives.

Life one: Old Crone is "happily" (sort of) married with two kids, a job she pretty much likes, good health benefits, a home I own, an acre of land to do with what I wish, a car I love, and just about every other thing women usually "wish" for.

Life two: Old Crone is miserable more than she is happy. Old Crone "loves" her husband, but is not "in love" with him. Old Crone can barely stand pecking him goodnight. Old Crone, though she loves her home, would really like to take the kids and run far far away. Old Crone is intensely passionate and emotional, and only those closest to her know this. Old Crone wants to be rescued, but there is no one to rescue me. Old Crone is very very good at hiding this from most of the world.

So there my friends, is where I end tonight, tired, grumpy and wanting more.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a more productive day.

Peace,

OC