Hanging Out

I'm cold, but then I am sitting by the door of a coffee place, and it's really cold outside. I just left the house today, told hubby I was taking my laptop out and going to go do some writing. He said, "what are you writing"? I told him, "just writing".

I bought myself a new iPod today 120 Gigs of space. I Feel slightly guilty, but not that much. I'm tired of having to rearrange everything on my nano so it all fits, take this off, leave this on, damn, took that off, you get the picture.

I will still use my nano, I love how small it is, and I love it because it is RED, but at least I have something I can put all my video stuff on now as well.

I just needed more space.

I used my gift cards from Xmas. Not that it matters, but I figured it was a good use of them. Sort of spur of the moment, but I feel good about it, since I use my iPod ALL the time. Between it, and my laptop, I'm ready for anything.

Last night, we took the kids out to dinner, and I came home and crawled in bed at 6:30pm and fell asleep. I slept all night. Mentally it must be catching up to me, I never do that. I don't want to go home now.

I am starting to get a bit rebellious I think. I just don't care what hubby is thinking anymore. At least that is my excuse today.

Seriously though, today is just a flat out hard day. It's my dad's 79th birthday and boy howdy do I miss that man, every day, every way. So I'm having my own private personal birthday party for him.

Part of me feels self destructive, but the bigger part of me knows I need to have some me time to really work on what is going on, what I'm about to do, what my life may be like in a few months. I dread it, and I look forward to it.

I need to own a coffee house like this. This is the kind I like, old dumpy comfy couches, paintings on the walls and plants everywhere. Dark and dim, smelling of my favorite of all smells, fresh ground coffee.

I feel hidden away from the world, not a soul in this world knows where I am right now. That's a feeling I like.

So, this obviously is something I will need to repeat sooner rather than later. I need to keep moving. Work on not feeling guilty about my life and who I am, and accept the fact I am human.

Peace,

OC