BearsMountain: Sunday Night

January 25, 2009

Sunday Night

OK....

So I bought a movie off iTunes tonight, Mama Mia, because I haven't seen it and want to desperately. I had NO freaking idea how long it would take to download. OMG...like 2 hours!!!! WTF???

I'm still downloading. I'm going to put it on my new black stealth iPod.

I'll get there, but it is an adventure in patience all the same.

Today has been pretty OK in the scope of the OC misery factor. Geez, I just want to get this over with. I want to get on with it. I know I am. I feel it. I'm not an unhappy person by nature.

But I tell you, this last 18 months, has been rough. It's like I went from a normal person, to one so inflamed with pain I can hardly stand it. I guess the good thing is though that I am a strong one. From the loins of white trash in OK. My grandma was born in a chicken coop in OK...did I ever tell you that?

I won't cave, I won't give in, and I will beat this. I will be happy again. I feel like Scarlet O'Hara in Gone With the Wind, "As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again!"

OK, so I'm being a bit melodramatic. But you get the point I'm sure.

I will not fall down into a ball a bumbling blubber wailing about how "hard" it is. I know it's hard, and I also know I chose this path before I was even born. There are lessons I must need to learn at this point in my life. The question it seems is how to do that with the least amount of damage.

I'm loving my new iPod. I love the "Genius" feature. Pick a song, select "Genius" and it picks out an entire playlist of like songs for that mood.

The one I did last night, started out with "Joan Osborne's " "Brokedown Palace" which I love, and I'm telling you I was groovin' to the songs it picked out for me. What a great way to listen to stuff I already have, but never listen too.

I'm also diggin' the fact that it's mostly empty and I have a ton of space. I've been fighting with my beloved Red Nano almost since I have had it, and it's just been hard to take things off, put them back on. I want it all on. OK...so I still love my nano, but I have a newer bigger love now.

I love all things Apple. I've fallen even more in love with my Macbook this week than I have been, not sure why, except it just works. It always works. It never gives me attitude or a hard time. I turn it on, and BAM...perfection. I spent some time this weekend giving it a much needed tune up.

Oh, and by the way, I'm going to try to work up my nerve to call attorneys this week. I really want this over and done with. I can't keep on like this. I'm almost debt free except for the house, which will make taking care of the kidlets a bunch easier, so here we go...countdown is starting. After so damn long with me whining and crying, movement is finally happening!

Peace,

OC

9 comments:

Landlady of Fat1/26/2009 6:18 AM
Thx for the warning on downloading a movie -- I was considering it from work (where my laptop is connected via a nearly dial-up speed connection).

LOL

Good for you for preparing to take the next step. I know it's not easy.
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kim1/26/2009 7:10 AM
I am so jealous of your Ipod..I have a little Ipod shuffle that my brother gave me (which I am totally grateful for) but I'd love a full size one :) I still dont get the idea of watching movies on a tiny screen though, I'd rather watch something on a 32" screen..

don't know what you're going thru as far as needing an attorney, maybe should delve further into your posts? Sounds intriguing though and I'd love to hear more about your gma's upbringing as well as yours..that little tidbit made me hungry to read more...

:)
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Anna1/26/2009 11:58 AM
movement is good...and scary. you know where I am if you need to chat.

I really need to upgrade my ipod. I'm still using my shuffle!
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Janet1/26/2009 3:37 PM
Good for you O.C. you are doing a lot of important work and we are traveling along in support with you.
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Martini Cartwheels1/27/2009 5:54 PM
You are really moving along here OC. Your fans are thinking of you and wishing you well.
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C1/28/2009 1:29 AM
you remind me of myself about 18 years ago. i was pregnant with our fourth child when my husband left us. i reffered to my children as kidlets, too! i too was trying to figure out if i was gay or not, as i became cornfused when i began having feelings for a woman in my group therapy. it took me 2 long years to find myself.... it is so deeply painful to not know where you fit in. its a process hon, and one that will lead you to something more beautiful than you could imagine. trust that you are being led to a better place... that everything is as it should be right now, this moment... the love you may still have for him isnt gone, it has just changed form. its ok to do all you can in one day, then rest and start again, the next. it takes what it takes, and you ARE exactly where you are supposed to be right now. enjoy every moment with the kidlets as they grow so fast. no, you will not crumble... but if you do, you will get right back up, dust yourself off, and boogie on, sistah! it's in that process that you find your strength. "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." yes, you have lessons to learn. and when you are ready, that teacher will appear for you. be still, and let god bring love to you.
i'm here for you if you need to talk. i dont even know you yet felt SO compelled to leave a comment.
nice meeting you!

C
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nina michelle1/28/2009 12:15 PM
ooh you are now beginning the attorney phase. I remember. (((HUGS))) to you dear.

oxox
nina
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kim1/29/2009 7:38 AM
I left you an award on my blog...go collect it and have a beautiful day :)
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kel1/29/2009 9:03 AM
I got an ipod touch for christmas and I loooove it!! I have not downloaded a movie yet..so thanks for the warning!!
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My Sound Track

31 & Falling -- Chris Pureka
Beauty & The Beast --Stevie Nicks
Blood and Fire -- Indigo Girls
Bridge Over Troubled Water -- Aretha Franklin
Cold Shoulder -- Amy Ray
Cross Over To Me--Caitie Curtis
Drift Away -- Dobie Gray
I Knew I Loved You -- Savage Garden
I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry -- Cowboy Junkies
If I Needed You -- Lyle Lovett
Imagine -- John Lennon
In Memory Of Trees -- Enya
Me & My Baby--Amy Ray
Rock & Roll Heavens Gate--Indigo Girls
Romeo & Juliet--Indigo Girls
Sexuality -- KD Lang
The Weakness In Me -- Joan Armatrading
Three County Highway, Indigo Girls
Where I Stood--Missy Higgins
You Can Sleep While I Drive -- Melissa Etheridge
You're The Reason -- Antigone Rising

81 Things About Me

81 Things About Me

1. I'm blond.
2. I'm the oldest child.
3. I got my drivers license on my 16th birthday.
4. My favorite color is red.
5. I've never been skiing.
6. I never want to go skiing.
7. I went to catholic high school for one year.
8. My cat is 18 years old.
9. My car is always messy.
10. My kitchen is always clean, even when the rest of my house is a mess.
11. I spent years wearing acrylic fingernails.
12. I can sing the songs to every episode of the Backyardigans.
13. I can sing every song of the wiggles.
14. I have fat calves.
15. My favorite shoes are Birkenstocks and Keens.
16. I have a weakness for vanilla smelling anything body products.
17. I'm a burrito snob.
18. I'm a really good cook.
19. I love to cook.
20. I have a fire engine red Kitchen Aide mixer that I will never divorce.
21. I'm a Stevie Nick's fanatic.
22. I lived by the beach for 20 years.
23. I have a lot of Barry Manilow on my iPod.
24. I have a lot of Bon Jovi on my iPod.
25. I got my ears pierced for the 1st time when I was 10.
26. I have two kids.
27. I'm a terrible student.
28. I'm terribly nosy, and will google you.
29. My favorite fruit is watermelon.
30. My favorite TV show is Criminal Minds.
31. I love Sex and the City.
32. I'm trying to figure out who will actually go see SATC with me a the theater.
33. I've never owned a new car.
34. I'll probably never own a new car.
35. My pets all live to be extremely old.
36. I have a red car.
37. I nursed my son for 2 1/2 years.
38. I was only able to nurse my daughter for 4 months.
39. I still have boxes of albums and no turntable to play them on.
40. 50 is getting closer than I'm comfortable with.
41. I own a Ron Popiel Showtime Chicken Roaster.
42. I use aforementioned roaster at least once a week.
43. I used to be a chain smoker.
44. I quit smoking cold turkey. I've never had another ciggarette.
45. I'm a coffee addict.
46. I have really good hair.
47. I have really bad legs.
48. I love down comforters.
49. I love flannels sheets, but not with down comforters.
50. I used to be a fairly good potter.
51. I've had a computer since they were on DOS.
52. This is my 2nd Mac computer.
53. I'll never own a PC computer again.
54. My favorite junk food is Dorritos dipped in sour cream.
55. My favorite drinks are Tom and Jerry's.
56. I can't stand any kind of light colored beer.
57. I've seen a bear.
58. I used to be very shy when I was a child.
59. I'd kill for a Noah's Bagel.
60. I'm a night owl.
61. I babble in the car, I love to talk.
62. I never expected people to actually read my blog.
63. I am an expensive perfume whore.
64. I have a temper.
65. I work hard to control my temper.
66. I grew up in the desert.
67. I hate sushi.
68. I love Diet Coke.
69. I hate Diet Pepsi.
70. I made all my kids baby food.
71. My 1st car was a 76 Yellow Honda Civic Hachback with a black stripe.
72. I worked in an amusment park for the fee rides on the roller coasters.
73. I miss "MTV", the real old "MTV".
74. I have 3 piercings in each ear.
75. I have no tatoo's.
76. I really don't like chocolate that much.
77. I love gummi bears.
78. White gummi bears are my favorite.
79. I shave my legs every day.
80. I love Disco music.
81. I can drive a stick shift.