Too Many Yesterdays...

Tonight, I have cramps....you know the kind of period cramps that leave you withering around on the bed, wishing you could have a hysterectomy sometime in the next five minutes?

Well, I finally broke down tonight and took two Vicodins and it has taken the edge off, but you would think, since I haven't had one of those bad boys for months, it would have knocked me on my ass, but NOooooo....I'm wide awake.

I don't want to take my normal sleep pill because of the Vicodin, and I don't want to take more Vicodin, so I may just ride it out tonight, and listen to music and write. Oh well, it is Friday night, not a bad night for a night owl like me to be wide awake. Small son's soccer game isn't until 10:00 AM, so I don't even have to get up very early in the morning.

I had THE most exciting thing happen tonight. I found the entire first season of "Cagney and Lacey" on iTunes....and yes, I bought the whole season. I was addicted to that show back in the day, and I realize now, it was because I had a huge huge crush on Sharon Gless. So later tonight, I'm going to curl up with my iPod and watch one. I have come to love watching shows on my iPod, it's so quiet I don't wake anyone up, and it just suits me for some reason.

I also got most of the kids summer clothes ordered tonight, killer sales, which always makes me happy. My mom has figured out that Little Miss loves ( and I mean LOVES) Hannah Andersson dresses. She has gone overboard this summer buying play dresses for her, which I'm excited about. I love seeing Little Miss happy over her clothes..and I can't afford H. A. unless it's a very very good sale. They are very high end clothes, totally worth the money, if you have the money. Anyway, Little Miss will have about 5 dresses and short sets from H. A. this summer, not to mention the stuff I ordered her from The Childrens Place.

I love dressing my kids nice, but it's a struggle to get them nice clothes that don't cost me a fortune. I wait for sales, then buy them up. I buy stuff on Ebay, and my favorite is The Coupon Cabin. It's a site you can run the online store that you are about to purchase from, and if there are any webcodes/promotions it will pop them up. Tonight I saved nearly $50.00 on top of the already discounted sale prices from using this alone. I'm cheap. I really am cheap, but I like nice things...this is one of my ways of getting them. I just need to get the kids each a pair of KEENS for the summer, and Small Son a few pair of shorts and I'll be all set.

Enough about my shopping tonight. Although I have to admit, I'm so stoked about getting such good deals. It almost gives me a high.

My mom sent me such a nice card in the mail today for Mothers Day. It was hand written telling me how proud of me she is for being such a good mom to my kids. It's amazing to hear this from the woman who has done nothing for my entire life besides tell me what a shit I am. I think her grand kids are softening her. I'm much more of a mama bear than she ever was, maybe she senses that.

Home has just been peaceful lately. I feel more peaceful than I have in a long time. I don't feel so out of whack. I think taking a vacation from the entire "coming out" journey I've been on for the last two years has been good for me. I'm looking forward to going camping and taking the kids riding on the quads this summer. I have ordered seats for the back of each quad, I've bought them both full face helmets and goggles and I'm planning on exploring a few very cool places this summer. One place is this ghost town I've found that is not too far from my home. It's called "Garnet" and it looks fun. There are evidently miles and miles of easy trails around the mountains leading up to it.

I just want to get out and explore and be in nature, and camp and smell bacon cooking in the morning while looking at views of the forest. I decided that I could vacation at home. Heck, people come from all over the world to vacation in Montana...why do I have to leave and spend a ton of money this year?

I'm also contemplating driving down to Boise to see the Indigo Girls in concert in July. Hubby wasn't too hip on the idea, because I made it clear I wanted to go alone, but we will see. I haven't decided if I want to do a trip that long and by myself to see them. It's not really fitting in with my summer of low cost activities. On the other hand, I know it would renew me in a way that not much else will. It's something to ponder anyway.

I've been so excited watching the news lately. Each thing President Obama does, brings me this much closer to feeling real relief. He's not going to do it perfect, but he's pointed the ship in the direction I want to go. I sit back, and don't know whether to laugh or cry over what is going on with the Republican Party. They are so upset over "losing control", but they are doing nothing to help. It scares me that they are falling apart, as much as I dislike their ideals. Our country very much needs to be a two party system for real democracy to happen. It's like watching spoiled children have a tantrum because they are not getting their way. How do they think the rest of us have felt for the last 8 plus years?

I feel like we have a grown up running the country now. A grown up who is super smart, and whose heart is in the right place. He is not going to undo this mess we are in quickly, but I feel so deep in my gut, he is the right man to guide us on the path to real recovery. You don't have to agree with me, I don't really care if you do, but it's how I feel.

When I read yesterday that his budget eliminates funding for abstinence only programs and proposes funding for evidence based programs, I almost came out of my chair. He is working for a strong pro-choice country, and to me that is so huge. That is my biggest personal issue, and I am thrilled he has put us on the path again. I was really afraid Bush and Company was going to succeed in getting Roe v. Wade overturned.

I watched on Rachel Maddow last night that he has a strong concern to repeal "Don't Ask Don't Tell", although he says it could "take a while". This is thrilling. We are finally coming out of the dark and into the light. I didn't realize how much this has gotten me down over the years, until the weight has started to come off. I'm not super pleased with his stance on the torture memo's, but I'm going to wait and see what he does before I make up my mind. He tends to think things out, which for me is huge. I feel like it's November again and I'm on my soap box, but this is so huge, and takes up so much room in my head, sometimes I have to let it out.

One more thing. I found the coolest podcast. It's being done by a woman named Sammie. It's called "Late in Life Lesbian" and she has just started this, I think she is only 5 or 6 episodes in, but I wanted to link to her, since I think a lot of you would be very interested in what she has to say. She is located on www.ploney.com. Take a listen and I think you will enjoy it. You can also find her on iTunes.

I've become addicted to podcasts, I think because they are free, and I can listen to such a variety of stuff. Today I spent the day at work listening to a public radio show from LA that was 2 solid hours of reggae music, which I happen to love.

Just to reassure everyone OC is doing fine, I'm just on a mental hiatus and busily looking for a kitten.

Someone send me some good meme's or awards I can spread around, or some blogging ideas while I'm in this relative blogging break/block...

Peace,

OC