Alone for a Bit

Ugh...where to even start?

I'm in a hotel this weekend. Hubby and I got in the fight of all fights, with him basically blaming me for everything, "I'm divorcing him", "There are no jobs out there", "He wants the kids every other week".

So, I told him he should have thought of that six months ago when I started giving him ultimatums. That a man who didn't want to get divorced would have been out there looking for a new job under the threat of losing his home and family...etc... I told him that I had reneged on what I told him on custody of the kids. I had said I'd "try" the every other week thing. Then the more I thought about it, the more I didn't like the idea. I want the kids with me. I want them with me during the week. He flat out told me he didn't want them "every" weekend. I told him he wasn't getting them every weekend, and that I at worst case would have them every other weekend and he would have them every other weekend.

I told him that we needed to keep the kids on a schedule as close as possible to what they have now to make it as easy as possible for them. I get them up, take them to school, he picks them up, spends the afternoon with them, feeds them dinner if he wants, otherwise I will, then I pick them up and take them home. They are able to still be with me at night, like they always have.

I told him he could see the kids whenever he wanted, that he could come over and see them when ever he wanted. That if he wanted a night here and there, then take it. I don't have an issue with that, but I want to be primary custodian of them. I want them to "live" with me. He didn't like it, but I think he caved last night.

I asked him if he really thought he could go a solid week without getting stoned, because that's what I expected him to do. He said he'd only do it when they are in bed. I said, "no", that's not good enough. You have the luxury of doing it now when they are in bed because I'm home and I'm with them..when I'm not there, that will not be acceptable, and I will nail your ass to the wall. I made it pretty plain that I will not accept that in the care of my children. I've dealt with this shit for long enough.

I did start feeling horribly guilty though, and one reason I left was that I was afraid I was going to cave in and change my mind. He called me "co-dependant". What a hoot..he so doesn't get it. Of course I'm co-dependant, that is WHY I hav put up with this crap for nearly a decade. I'm co-dependant even though I spent YEARS going to Al-Anon...Does he realize him even calling me "co-dependant" makes him DEPENDANT????

He started in on me, that I used to smoke sometimes with him. I reminded him that was BEFORE I had the kids. That I had done it only one time since. Then he started talking about my bottle of JD. Good god, I've had a new bottle up there for nearly a month, and haven't opened it. The old bottle is nearly 6 months old, and it still isn't empty...does he think I'm guzzling the stuff? He is the one that goes through a BOX of wine every other week, on top of the weed, on top of him being a recovering alcoholic.

I said I could give a rip what you do when you don't have the kids. That he was free to do what he wanted..but when he had MY kids, that wasn't the case. That mamma bear had climbed out of the den and don't mess with me. I told him to go to treatement (which my insurance covers by the way) and I'd support him in that. I told him to go to counseling, I have EAP and insurance that will cover it after the 4 free visits are done...he won't do that...

He ended up crying, I ended up crying. I'm going to get the kids in a bit, and we are going to spend the day here with friends, swimming, pizza, etc....should be a fun time. I may even see if there is a movie I can take them too later.

I'm also going to go look at a condo/townhouse today. She already has my app, said everything looked really "good" and she thought I would like the place. It's the one I think...it's big, three bedroom, two bath, fenced back yard, nice kitchen and a two car garage. It's 3 blocks from Little Miss's DC and only a few blocks from the local school. It looks all new, and wonderful with a huge master bath and walk in closet. Wish me luck....

If I get it, I'll be able to be in by July 5. That's so close, that I can make it that long.

Hubby is going to be served the Legal Sep papers on Monday. After he signs them, the hardest part will be done. I really can't believe after moving at a turtles pace the last two years, that I am now moving so so fast I can't see the trees out of the car window.

Peace,

OC