I'm sitting here again, having coffee, very early in the morning with my kitten on my feet. Hubby was a proverbial prick when I got home yesterday, even though we had a good talk on the phone. Here is what I decided. It's easier for me to talk to him on the phone, because I'm not looking at his body language and getting irritated.
I told him I was going to look at a house last night, when I didn't come right home, he started calling me, like he does, over and over every five minutes. WTF? Leave me a message and I'll call you back. Then I get the third degree..."Where were you, where are you"? I've taken to not answering my phone because it makes me so mad.
It's like, "Dude, we are getting divorced, you no longer have any right to know anything more than basic information concerning the kids." Get a clue. I came home last night, and he started telling me how "he" had gone to look at a house, with small son asleep in the back of his truck. He said this right in front of the kids. He kept asking me about the house I looked at, right in front of the kids. I told him to quiet down. He didn't seem to get it. I finally went over to him and said Shut the Fuck up...the kids are listening....in a terse whisper.
So last night, Small Son would not go to sleep. He was milling around me. I made the executive mommy decision to tell him. I didn't want hubby throwing out any more zingers and Small Son worrying about it. So I told him. I told him that Mommy and Daddy were splitting up (small son's term-so he has heard hubby talking), that Mommy and Daddy wouldn't be living together anymore. He started crying a little, then hugged me with one of those only little boy hugs, and said "I want to stay with you Mommy."
I assured him that I wasn't going anywhere, that he would be staying with both Mommy and Daddy, and that my home was his home. He wanted to know if his toys would go, and I said yes, he would have a new room for his toys, a new yard to play in and Sissy would be with him all the time.
I told him that even if he started thinking it was his fault, it wasn't. I told him about the house I looked at. I told him everything I thought was appropriate for a six year old to know. I let him ask me questions. Maybe I should have waited for hubby, but deep down inside I knew hubby didn't want to say anything, he just wants to make comments that hurt us all because he is hurting.
I will tell Little Miss, but I really don't think she is going to really understand, but Small Son, not only is he older, super smart and super intuitive, he can read me like no other human being can. I know I did the right thing, but once again, I'm sure Hubby will make me out to be the bad guy. The thing is, I no longer give a flying fuck what he tells people. I'm so so glad I didn't tell him anything about coming out, it would be used as ammo for sure.
Have to get ready for work.
Peace,
OC
I think you did the right thing talking to your son about it. Obviously he was curious about what he'd heard and he needed some information and reassurance about what was going on. If your husband has a problem with it, he should have thought about that before he opened his big mouth in front of the boy in the first place! And I think you're right to keep your daughter in the dark for right now. When she gets curious, she'll ask questions. She's much younger and still on more of a "need to know" basis. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHe's angry. You're angry, and you are angry at each other for different reasons.
ReplyDeleteThings will get better when you each have your own places to live, and you have some breathing space.
Yeah I agree telling your son about it was a good thing. he would have had worries and ideas come up in his head on his own which would probably have made matters worse for him.
ReplyDeleteyou did right by telling your son. keep reassuring him every day that he will be with you and be safe. also, i am almost positive that if hubby knows about your being gay, he will use it against you in every way possible. i wouldnt be giving him any more ammo to use against you. plus, its none of his business. trust me, oc, he will be enraged if he finds out now... he wont be able to see it for what it is and be happy for you. he is not in the right state of mind to accept it. the less he knows, the better. he's already being an asshole, and he is already using the kidlets to hurt you. men will stop at nothing to hurt you for leaving them. they cant handle the change and their anger and helplessness so it ends up coming out sideways. be strong. you are almost there. do what you need to do to get out of there ASAP.
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