May We Interupt This Broadcast????

I made a decision tonight that was a bit tough.

I decided I'm going to go ahead and rent a place for a year. I haven't even discussed this with anyone. After today's fiasco with looking at that cute little house, I did some thinking. I don't know where I really want to live. I'm feeling super rushed, and I really want to get out of this house NOW. I think that might make me make a poor decision on a house. I think I would like to just chill out and let the owner worry about the problems for a bit. And it gives me awhile to play with my money and see what I can REALLY afford.

So, I've sent emails to everyone with a listing on Craigslist with acceptable housing. So far I've got a few responses. I guess former home owners who are single state workers with children and small cats are in high demand. One house I got a response from, is very near my coffee place. I have a good feeling about that, except that I would be responsible for shoveling the sidewalks in the winter. I hope that doesn't mean that I would have to do it BEFORE work.

I also got to thinking. I can finally get myself a red couch. I can't even imagine what living alone with the kids might be like, but it sounds like heaven at this point. So I'm going to go look, and if I like, I'm going to snag one and then hire a mover and get out of here. That will force hubby to make some hard, very needed choices. He still thinks he's going to be able to make it on what he makes.

He made a nasty comment today about me being the one that is "divorcing" him. I told him what the fuck ever and walked off. I don't need his guilt. I spent the rest of the day being "punished" with him not talking. FU hubby. I don't need this shit from you. I'm not digging him "telling" me what to do. He's not digging me telling him to fuck off. So I think my moving will be good for both of us. What is sad, is that we did have a good night on Friday. But today....not so much.

Maybe I will only need my storage unit for a month? He is probably going to go ape shit when he finds out I used our equity line for the retainer for my attorney. Again...FU hubby, it's my money too. I decided to save the cash my mom sent for an emergency...such as maybe getting out of here. I'm going to need to buy at least one new bed set for the kids, new living room and dining room stuff, and a new TV. I'll probably look at garage sales for the dining set, but I don't want a funky smelling couch, and I do want a new TV.

I'm so mad tonight. I can't believe how fast this is really happening, now that I have set the wheel in motion. I mean, here I am, not even two weeks out from telling him I want a divorce, to having an attorney hired, him being served soon, renting a house and moving and then trying to get this place ready and on the market...who knew???

I'm hoping I can keep Small Son in school where he is, and move Little Miss to the preschool program there in the fall. Doing that, while even though out of the way, will mean taking them to school near where I work, and only taking them one place, plus giving hubby access to them. I still don't know how custody is going to work. I'm trying not to worry about that until after he signs the legal separation paperwork. Then I can get as aggressive as I need to about custody. I really actually think the kids need to be with me, he just doesn't watch them. I watched him today, and he didn't feed them once, even though he was up, the kids were eating Dorrito's for breakfast. He did his "nap" alone again today, and didn't do a lick about dinner. I just sat back and watched to see what he would do, and finally I ended up getting the kids what they needed.

He's just all about himself lately, and honestly, I don't care, but don't involve my kids in that. I guess you could say OC is getting very pissed and ready to spit bullets.

I keep having weird dreams about finding my way home. Home is no where I've been before, but in my dreams, it's a return, not an arrival.

Bedtime finally...hopefully I'll get some sleep, I have lots to do tomorrow.