Saw hubby texting his friends today. I also realized half his friends have taken me off their FB friend lists...so I guess it's official, I am now the pariah who is divorcing him.
He was served papers today and wants me to sit down and "go over them". I told him I would..but what does he want to go "over"??? It's all there in black and white, he either agrees or he doesn't.
He told me, I need to "prove" to him how much my health benefits are going to cost me. I told him, well I figured out the difference between what it costs for me and the kids, as opposed to what it costs me for me, YOU and the kids....
He kept saying "prove it to me". I finally said I didn't need to "prove" it to him, he was free to not keep my health bennies if he'd like to turn this into a divorce now instead of a legal separation. He sort of just shut up.
Today was the kids first T-Ball practice. After he made me come home to meet him, he then left with the kids to go get their TBall stuff at Walmart and told me to "meet" him there. So I did. When I got there, and we got the kids all settled, he told me he was "going home so I can be miserable". WTF? Why didn't he just let me take the kids in the first place? I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt tonight because I know he is miserable and he did get served at work, which wasn't supposed to happen. Still, he knew it was coming, I had told him it was coming, etc...
I wonder how much a corporate apartment would cost for a few weeks, this is almost intolerable, except I need to get stuff ready to move.
He told me I had "better get with it" about moving, and when I told him I really didn't need to do that, that I was hiring a mover who would pack for me, he got all huffy again. I even told him today I got the condo (because he asked) and that upset him. I think he is feeling completely out of control, and is surprised how much I have done. I think he expected me to just not do anything or something. It's hitting him we are really breaking up.
I feel sick to my stomach, and can't seem to find my appetite. He told me he'd lost ten lbs, well dude, I didn't find those pounds, I've been dropping it a bit too, my clothes are all baggy.
I just want this over now. I want to be in my own place, with my kids, and only have to deal with him when I have too. He wants to have the house on the market by August 1st and has our realtor coming out tomorrow. That's fine with me, the sooner the better.
Really though, as bad as I sound tonight, I really feel pretty good, except for the sick feeling in my tummy, which is caused by him, which won't be here when this unpleasant stuff is over with.
I'm almost there, I'm almost there....
Peace,
OC
I know that upset belly ache all too well. mine hasn't ceased in 48 hours. it's killer.
ReplyDeletestay strong. you're so close.
I was married and is was hard getting a divorce. It was however worth it. So hang in there.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for FB I can add you as a friend.
yep, i know that sick feeling in your gut... have had it too many times to count. please, just watch your back, OC, i tell ya, the man you thought you married will turn into someone you dont even recognize, and he may get worse the closer it gets. hang in there, take care of yourself, your business, the kiddos and DONT TAKE ANY SHIT FROM HIM!
ReplyDeletec
I agree with C. I have been there and done that. Please, please, please, you will not believe how ugly this will get. Know what you will settle for and go for 10 times more. Stay strong, stand tall, don't EVER be ashamed and don't give in. It took me three years to finalize what started out as a fairly amicable separation, only to end in a very nasty court battle, with my name and my character smeared all over the town. After 25 years of marriage and owning a million dollar company I ended up with 4 measly years of a pittance of alimony and half of a million dollar house he let go to foreclosure just to hurt me. But it will get better and in the end it was all worth it. I had teenage children he tried to turn against me who are now seeing him for what he was and is. I just can't emphasize enough, it will get worse, he will become vindictive and nasty, but always stand up for what you believe and what you deserve. My heart goes out to you, it's hell.
ReplyDeleteHe is feeling out of control and is doing his damnedest to control what little he can...hence the whole "you come here, then I'll take the kids, then we'll all go to practice, then I'll leave because I'm miserable" thing. He's feeling miserable because even the things he's controlling aren't changing his situation. He has a right to be miserable right now, but I know that it's making you miserable as well. I agree with the previous comment that you need to watch your back with him. In his emotional state, he's liable to get really mean. Be careful!
ReplyDeleteGood advice all 'round, and Earth Muffin is spot on about his actions stemming from loss of control and exercising it where he can.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing really great.
Email me if you want another facebook friend :).
This is probably the worse part. It does get better. Unfortunately the bad part of ones character comes out during times like these.
ReplyDeletekudos to you for having the upper hand. I know that it doesn't fell any better though.
ps: You can add me to face book too if you like.
Congrats on getting the new place. Making the move, I am happy for you!! :-D
ReplyDeleteI wonder if the proof he wants would just be so he would have your exact income and could ask for spousal support.
ReplyDeleteWhen my wasband and I split up, he wanted me to actually be the one to file for divorce. I told him that since I could not legally remarry (and I suspect he already wanted to)that I could give a rat's ass about an actual divorce and if he wanted one, it would be on his dime. I also though had the eventual good fortune of moving out of atate and not having to deal with his sorry ass face to face.
Sounds like you are flying high at light speed in spite of the occasional pile of crap. congrats and stay strong!