The Musical Muse Of My Life

I'm Homesick

Cheesy Video, but I love it.

One thing I've never noticed before though, is that Steve Perry's pants are so tight he has a camel toe. How does a guy get a camel toe????

Send Your Love

It's a good life…

That's what my mom said to me the other day. Your life looks like the perfect life from the outside looking in. In a lot of ways, she is right. I have a good life. I have a husband who loves me. I have children I adore, and who love me back. I have a job I really like, and I have been blessed with many, many good friends in my lifetime.

The problem is I never seem to get "there." I don't even know where "there" is, except that I'm getting much closer to 50 than I can bare to think about, and I still don't know where "there" is.

I had a dream last night about my best friend coming to visit me with her daughter. I haven't seen her in years, and haven't seen her daughter since she was a baby.

I went to pick them up from the airport, and I instantly recognized her. The feeling of love I feel for her is so intense. In my dream, I'm sure her daughter looked just as she does in real life. I've seen many pictures of this child over the years, and I'd know her in a crowd.

When I picked up my friend, she was walking the wrong way down the moving sidewalk at the airport (my little airport doesn't even have a moving sidewalk) and I was walking the opposite direction talking to her.

I looked around, and saw my grandma coming toward us in a wheel chair. My friend knows and loves my grandma and we were both happy to see her. For some reason, at this moment her daughter wasn't with us, she was picking up the baggage. I don't know why we would let an 8 year old do this by herself, but we did.

Once we passed grandma (that's all we did was pass her on the moving sidewalk and wave), then we went and met up with her daughter. I don't know where my kids were. We were on our way to the fair, to stay in a camper and meet up with my mother who was working at the fair selling cotton candy. We were so happy to see each other, and my mother, as usual got mad because we left her out of the loop.

I know this dream went on and on after this, but I don't remember any more. But it did put me in a reflective place, thinking about my life.

So back to "there", I think we were trying to get "there" together.

I am going to be talking to some people this week, to get some referrals for a few different things to help me move along my process. I'm excited about this, and scared at the same time.

I feel myself wavering quite a bit. My hubby brought me coffee to work today and brought my kids to me this morning so I could kiss them. Sometimes, at moments like this, I wonder what in the heck am I even thinking about? How can I even think about leaving my marriage, my life, and starting over for the 2000th time?

Then my reality slaps me in the face, and I remember why I must keep moving forward.

I guess there is no time limit on me finding my way through this. I will get there when I get there. No one is expecting me at the finish line for now, except myself. I can only move at my own pace.

I know I'm not the only one who has gone through this. I know I'm not the only one going through it right now. Still, it hurts like a knife in my soul. I take solace in music I've never listened to, in friends I've never met, and in things I've never done.

As Sting say's so eloquently in the song "Send Your Love"

Finding the world in the smallness of a grain of sand
And holding infinities in the palm of your hand
And Heaven's realms in the seedlings of this tiny flower
And eternities in the space of a single hour

Send your love into the future
Send your love into the distant dawn

Inside your mind is a relay station
A mission probe into the unknowing
We send a seed to a distant future
Then we can watch the galaxies growing

This ain't no time for doubting your power
This ain't no time for hiding your care
You're climbing down from an ivory tower
You've got a stake in the world we ought to share

You see the stars are moving so slowly
But still the earth is moving so fast
Can't you see the moon is so lonely
She's still trapped in the pain of the past

This is the time of the worlds colliding
This is the time of kingdoms falling
This is the time of the worlds dividing
Time to heed your call

Send your love into the future
Send your precious love into some distant time
And fix that wounded planet with the love of your healing
Send your love
Send your love

There's no religion but sex and music
There's no religion but sound and dancing
There's no religion but line and color
There's no religion but sacred trance

There's no religion but the endless ocean
There's no religion but the moon and stars
There's no religion but time and motion
There's no religion, just tribal scars

Throw a pebble in and watch the ocean
See the ripples vanish in the distance
It's just the same with all the emotions
It's just the same in every instance

There's no religion but the joys of rhythm
There's no religion but the rites of Spring
There's no religion in the path of hate
No prayer but the one I sing

Send your love into the future
Send your precious love into some distant time
And fix that wounded planet with the love of your healing
Send your love
Send your love

There's no religion but sex and music
There's no religion that's right or winning
There's no religion in the path of hatred
Ain't no prayer but the one I'm singing

Send your love
Send your love

Peace,

OC

Enjoy!

I've probably posted way too many music video's off Youtube lately, but darnit, I keep finding ones I love. Check this Lady out.

Ruthie Foster...I'm really diggin this.

Kindred

Check it out. I just found these two, somehow, and then I found a photo of them with ARay. I am in love with their music, and just downloaded it.

KINDRED (LISTEN)

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY...!!!!

What' in My iPod

MLC brought up a great question today. What is in my ipod? You'd probably be surprised. I know I've mentioned my iPod before, but I have this beautiful little red 3rd Gen Nano. I had a 2nd Generation Nano, but I out grew her. I filled it to capacity, and had to get a bigger one.

One of the reasons my ipod is so important to me, is that when I had my kids, I had to virtually lock all my CD's away, because my son thought they were great toys. Until I got my iPod 2 years ago, I had been pretty much without "my" music in my life for a few years. My iPod, I can say is one of my most beloved possessions. I have it with me no matter where I am. It goes to work with me, it comes home. It has a dock at work, in my car and at home.

But back to MLC's question, "What is in your iPod"?

Here goes nothing, and please, no laughing allowed.

I'm a big Lynyrd Skinyrd fan.

I have some Poisen. I have a ton of Aretha Franklin (she is one of my great loves in this life, and the only person on my "list" that I still have yet to see in concert).

I have a bunch of disco, because I loved disco and still do.

I have cumbia medlys by Selena, actually I have Selena's boxed set in my iPod.

I love the stuff she does in spanish more than the English cross over stuff.

I have a bunch of stuff I'm almost embarrassed to admit to.

Barry Manilow; Whitesanke; Alan Jackson; Bob Segar

Susan Tedeschi; Toni Childs; Joan Osborne; UB40; Steve Winwood; Chris Isaak; Alison Kraus; Bon Jovi;

I love love Clapton; Bessie Smith; Billie Holiday; Bonnie Raitt; BB King, really anything that is "Blues". I really dislike Jazz music.

I have a terrible fondness for folk music, some of which is new to me, some is not.

Cheryl Wheeler; The Cowboy Junkies;

I love the 80's "Hair Bands" and the Headbanger stuff I grew up with. I fully admit to being a Journey Fanatic.

Melissa Etheridge (that goes without saying); Creed; Coldplay and Dobie Grey.

I have Matchbox 20; Train; and The Who; Llyle Lovit, The Eagles; Elton John and Elvis; Enya; Five for Fighting and Gretchen Wilson.

I have Guns and Roses, Helen Reddy and the Indigo Girls.

I have the Jeff Healy Band, Joss Stone, and Little Big Town. Joan Armatrading, KD Lang and Meatloaf.

Then there is Mahalia Jackson, ( I have a terrible weakness for bluesy Gospel Music) I really like Josh Groban.

I've seen Prince many times, and even slept on Market street in SF one time to get tickets to a show.

I love R.E.M., Nickleback, Peter Paul and Mary and Pink Floyd. The Pretenders, The Pyschedelic Furs and Pure Prairie League.

Ray Charles, Reba MecEntire, Sarah McLachlan and Tears for Fears. Tori Amos, Trace Adkins, Doly Parton, Loretta Lynn, Patsy Cline and Wynonna as well as Alabama, Travis Tritt, .38 Special and the Alman Brothers.

The list goes on, this is just what is in my ipod, not all the CD's I have stored away.

But there is an artist (read: goddess) that for me is hands down above everybody else.

I've had a crush on this person since I was a kid.

I've got everything that she has ever put out, and lots of stuff she hasn't put out, both with her group and as a solo artist.

She has moved me, and if I had to pick one person who has been the soundtrack of my life, the constant constant for me.

The most inspirational.

The most beloved of all. I'm almost afraid to say it out loud.

She is like the high priestess of my soul.

I can go through places in my life, where I haven't listened to her in a year. And then I need her. I need to hear something beloved, and magical. This is my Cancerness at its finest.

I was and I still am obsessed with her, I will always be obsessed with her. There are so many wonderful musicians out there in this world, and I go through places where I get so into someone I forget everyone else, except for her.

I've seen her in concert more times than I could ever hope to count.

I've gone to countless concerts alone even because people were getting sick of going with me.

And I've never mentioned her on this blog. Maybe because this is the sacred place in my heart. She is very famous, but there are some of us out there, who are more than obsessed. I even met one of my very good friends at a concert years ago. She was and still is just as obsessed as I am.

This love affair, has been going on for me since I was about 11 years old, maybe 10.

It's that old. This is the music, that I want to go with me in the casket.

This is the music, I think, I will be so sad when I die because I'll never hear it again. This is the music that has shaped my life.

I don't know this person, but I feel like I do. I am a factoid, that is certain, but there is just something about who she is, how she has lived her life, and the music she writes, that is so intrinsic to who I am.

And without further adu....










I love you Stevie,

Peace,

OC