A Womans Heart is a Deep Ocean of Secrets..

I've stolen my header from the movie "Titanic".

I love the ocean. My dad knew this, and drove my little child butt to the beach every chance he had when I was a kid, he usually drove me to Ventura Beach, through Fillmore and Santa Paula. He didn’t understand my need, but he did cater to it.

I spent today looking at pictures a friend sent me who lives on Cape Cod. I have never been there, but looking at those pictures of the sea, made me almost feel like I was going to throw up from missing it so, there is a hole in my gut from the longing I feel.

I’ve spent my entire adult life by the ocean. I am a water sign. I need water.

I realize now, even though I love it where I live, I’m drying up here. I miss the sea so much I want to cry out loud and pound my fists on the wall. Lakes don’t cut it. Rivers don’t cut it, only the ocean.

I don’t crave hot sunny beaches. I crave cold, misty rocky coastlines. I crave the salty smell, the sound of seagulls and frying clams. I am in the middle of a water sign crisis right now.

I have been thinking of the post I wrote last night, about living in the small beach town near Santa Cruz. What a wonderful, painful time that was for me. I fell in love with the sea there. I reveled in it. I have revisited that place so many times since I left it. My heart is there, and always will be. I had my first really good pizza there. I made love in the sand for the first time there. I discovered bagels. I discovered lesbians. I discovered a rocky cold misty version of Stevie Nicks. I became the seedling of who I am today there.

So where does this leave me? I have no idea. Though I love this wild land, I love my job, it feels like home in a lot of ways. I am feeling the need increasingly to return to the water. I need the salt air to breathe I’m afraid.

I’m posting my two favorite ocean songs. Both of these songs are as close to what I feel about the ocean as I can ever hope to put into words.

Enjoy!

Peace,

OC