Leap of Unfaith

Where do I begin?

I'm sitting on my very large, very soft king sized bed with my child asleep next to me.

I'm full of longing for something I really don't think I can have, or should have. I find a secret thrill in the thought that someone could be reading this. I could write this in private, in my journal, but I'm choosing this to be my forum.

I'm bored. My life is dull. I live on a mountain, and sometimes feel that I'm looking down at life from my enchanted palace.

I think I'm falling for someone I shouldn't. I can't quit thinking about this person. I feel like I'm sitting on a ledge afraid to jump, and not even sure if I did jump anyone would notice.

I'm not such a sad person most of the time, I think I'm just at a crossroads in my life. There is something I have been wanting for years, and it's been just out of reach. Tempting and tantalizing me. All the sudden this person jumps into my life and makes me want to jump into theirs.

I never have sex anymore, and really don't find myself wanting to very badly. I ache for a touch I've never had. I grieve because I've already chosen my path, and now I can't take the road that I really want to.

I wish it hadn't taken me getting this old to figure out that I'm strong and that I tend to get what I want. What if I just reach out, over the fence and take a hand. Is there even a hand there to grasp??