How is it that I've lived in this town for almost three years, and I'm just now finding out the cool spots to hang out? I guess it all goes back to what I've said over and over, the transition into parenthood has been a hard one for me. I spent some time, a huge block of it really lost in it. It was like waking up on in the twilight zone, or auditioning for the "Surreal Life". There is a huge chunk of time, that is just gone. I was so busy with premature babies, diapers, and all the fears that go along with being a new mother, let alone having to learn a brand new life long job description, that the part of me that has always been at the forefront really took a backseat for the first time in my life.
For the first time, I was more concerned with the safety aspects of a carseat, as opposed to the finer points of a really good cup of coffee. A drive along the coast, took backseat to my breast pump. I never knew or understood the all out power of it all. I realized I'd been a shit to my friends with kids because I didn't "get it".
Now that my kids are toddlers, and all the sudden I'm sleeping mostly through the night. I have time after 8:00 PM to do things for myself. I actually read an entire book for the first time in two years. That was major after not being able to read anything longer than it took to take a crap.
I am just amazed that I'm actually starting to have a life again. This probably nothing new to parents, when you feel youself sort of getting back to yourself, but it is a real self realization for me.
I got to go out to coffee with a friend yesterday morning, and sit and talk, and not worry about kids, and tell my story. Maybe making some new friends in this giant new place I live is really what's making me feel like myself again. I've been so lonely with my tribe lost, gone and too far away to just hang out. When I moved to the mountains from the beach, I gave up the deepest reaches of who I've always been and wanted to be. I never immagined moving away from my beloved ocean. But here I sit, high on a hill, in the far north, with snow, cold, and a huge SUV I actually need. The hippie land I once lived in is gone far from me now. I'm starting to see though, that there are little bits of hippiness even here.
I'm probably making no sense, but then agian, I'm not trying to make sense, I'm just trying understand how I'm feeling.
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