Come Back

People come, and people go. We all know this. Some people are in your life for a certain reason. Some for a season. Some forever. Then there are the ones that get lost and come back.

I’m in a coming back period in my life these days.

I’ve been catching people that I’ve lost right and left.

One of the biggest, at least the one that had the biggest impact on my life, is my best friend. About 5 years ago, things fell apart. I mean really fell apart. This is a 20 plus year friendship I’m talking about. One those kinds of friendships that has for all practical purposes, turned into family.

We were both going through some very emotional stuff. She had a baby, and became a single mom. My dad was dying. Neither one of us were in the headspace to help the other one. This is just about the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to me, bar my dad dying. I am divorced, and when that happened, it wasn’t even close to the pain I felt when my best friend and I fell apart. I haven’t seen her since July of 2001. But we are slowly putting things back together. After we went through the pain of it, we have somehow been able to find our trust again.

I emailed her once, and said to her, “This isn’t supposed to be like this. We are supposed to grow old together. We are supposed to rock on the porch together when we are old ladies. We have to put this back together, because there is no other option”. I had a hole in my heart as big as the Grand Canyon over this. She and I finally were able to put things into perspective, and move on, and I’m grateful for this every day.

I’ve had several friends over the last few years as well that I’ve lost contact with. Some were more intense relationships than others, but still, they were people I didn’t want to lose from my life. They were people I met that I was sure I would remain friends with.

I’ve found them, through different venues, but I’ve managed to connect again, and that’s a great feeling.

It really is scary how fast and easy you can lose someone out of your life. You get busy, they get busy, one of you moves, phone numbers are changed, and bam….MIA.

I’ve been thinking on this all day at work. It has been one of those days that I’ve just had my headphones on, and have been working all day, but my mind has had plenty of time to process.

The last chink that I’ve rediscovered. There was a boy I grew up with. We were friends, all through school. We went to the same catholic high school. We did everything together, but keep in mind; we were always just friends, nothing more. My sister found him last week. He is moving out of the country, but all the same, I know where he is. I haven’t seen or heard from him in almost 20 years, and it feels wonderful to know he is doing ok. I always thought he was gay, even growing up. Come to find out, he is. He had been living in SF, same as me, and working just a few blocks from me. I remember one time, years ago, that I thought I saw him on the street, but this person got across Market Street before I could catch him. It looked just like him. I think it was him now.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, except to throw it out to the universe that I’m grateful that I’m finding my past. Maybe that will help me find my present and my future.

So now that the pieces that matter seem to be falling back into place, where do I go from here. There are so many people out there that I know are wonderful, supportive and like me. I love meeting new people, and I love making new friends, and this seems much easier, now that I’m not feeling so empty inside from the loss of “my people”.

Peace,

OC