I've thinking today about the post I did last night regarding my family.
I’m thinking about my own kids. If they are anything like anyone I've ever known, one will come out OK…one will be messed up.
I think about my sister, she is a mess, she is a sixteen-year old in a fort-year old body, completely unable to take care of herself. I look at the siblings of my friends, there is usually one messed up kid for every kid that is "normal." You start out with great intentions, when they are little, they are easy. When they start growing up, the challenges really start compounding.
Now, this maybe or may not be true, as I am the mother of a 5 year old and a 3 year old, I'm just surmising right now. I don't want my kids to grow up to be messed up adults. I can't bear the thought. I guess that does give me a little sympathy for my mom in regards to my sister, a little, not much, because my sister is a mess by my mothers own design.
I guess though, I shouldn't say I want them to be "normal." I don't care if they are "normal" or not, honestly I'd prefer them not to be, normal is usually boring and simple minded. I want them to test their limits in a healthy way. I want them to question what they are told, and not believe everything because "someone" says so.
I told my friend today, I sent my 3-year old to school looking like a baby dyke today. She wanted to wear this huge-ass white t-shirt she got from the NICU reunion. So I let her, I tucked it into her styling jeans, put on a nice pink belt with a big huge silver buckle. Rolled up the arms of her t-shirt, and pulled her hair back into a slicked back pony tail. I had to giggle when I took her to preschool. Not exactly girly girl, but she was loving her outfit.
So, how do I turn out normal, healthy adults? Sometime in the not to distant future, I'm most likely going to rock my children's world. How on earth do I prepare for that?
I'm not going to be home making them chicken soup on cold winter days. I'm not going to be telling them to just "get saved" and everything will be OK…I'm a realist. I need to plan for this. I need to prepare, like a ground hog storing up for the winter. What to do????
Peace,
OC
If you figure it out please let me know.
ReplyDeleteIt helps that my daughter has been raised around same-sex partners who are parenting their children.
My current challenge is telling my family. I've reached the point where I can't not tell them. But it's not even easy to think about.
Liv went through a phase when she was four when she loved dressing up in boy's suits and ties. I took her to a thrift store and we bought lots and lots of ties, jackets and shirts and I let her wear them to school. Since she went to a very progressive Montessori school, not a word was said...
ReplyDeleteMy brother and I are both fairly "normal", in that neither of us have any mental health issues or addictions or abusive partners. We both have good jobs and are functional members of society. We get along well with our parents and each other and we both have great networks of supportive friends. So, if you do your job as a mom to the best of your abilities (and it seems to me via this blog that you do), there's hope that they'll both come out just fine!
ReplyDelete(And I'm sure your daughter's teacher has seen much, much worse clothing on her students!)
You are a great Mom. You will know what to do I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteWho defines normal?
ReplyDelete-janet
Every family & set of dyanamics is different no matter how it looks from the outside.
ReplyDeleteThat said I've always found it freeing to be as honest as their respective ages allowed.
Peace be with you all.
Here's what I believe: how kids turn out is not up to their parents. Children come with something; then they make choices. They will turn out however they do, based on what they had to start with and what they chose. They will not choose what we want them to; they will not choose what we ask them to. They will choose what they choose. Just like we did before them. All we have to do, and all we can do, is love them. It doesn't matter about the cookies or the chicken soup. All we have to do is love them. That's our job. Whether they turn out messed up or not (and who's to say what that is?) is up to THEM. If we love them with our whole hearts and show that love to the best of our ability, we are doing our job. We're not responsible for how they turn out. They are.
ReplyDeleteso many of us spend time making a list of what we will do differently than our parents did as to not screw up our children the same way they did us not realizing that while we are busy "not doing" this and that we are do other things. parents aren't special people. we are just people. I agree with one of your posters who said that "children come with somethings and then they make their own choices".
ReplyDeletei suspect that your kids as well as mine are going to be just fine. its hard to believe that i know, i am having a crisis of faith as well. i try to keep in mind about my older daughter's reaction when i told her i was gay was,
"jesus mom i thought you were going to tell me you had cancer and was going to die"
you just never know. but people tell me that after kids go through the whole hating us for what we aren't somewhere around 30 they will begin to love us again for what we are.
until then let's remember to breathe and hold each other's hands when we need to.
oxox
nina