BearsMountain: The Cleavers

March 8, 2009

The Cleavers

Sunday again.

I feel like we never had "The Talk". All the sudden hubby has turned into 'super hubby', much to my chagrin. He wanted to go do a family thing today, I sort of knocked that down. How many times do I have to say it to him I'm wondering? This is sort of like the famous quote, "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?"

I'm regrouping today. I feel like a grunge, didn't take a shower yesterday, let the kids run around in jammies all day, fed them snacks for dinner. Not good OC. Shower today, shopping today, dinner today. I have to be put back together by tomorrow since I need to go back to work.

I guess I'm just going to have to keep smashing this in his head. I know he wasn't happy to hear what I said yesterday either, it was like he was having the 'perfect' family day, and I was in the crapper, couldn't get out of bed, slept all day, etc...

I've even found myself really questioning what I want and what I'm doing. It has shaken me up that much. Like, maybe I am doing the wrong thing?

I know I'm not, but it has taken an awful lot of soul searching this weekend to feel slightly back on track. I wasn't expecting him to turn us into the Cleavers after our talk. I really wasn't.

What would cause him to do this? Is it his own denial?

I have found myself not wanting to blog, not wanting to talk to people, etc..because I feel like I've been slipping into an abyss. I'm climbing out today.

I need to get my iPod out and really work on feeling like me today. I need some good soul music, and I downloaded U2's greatest hits, that should pull me out of the hole I'm in.

Peace,

OC

5 comments:

Janet3/08/2009 5:01 PM
This will be good practice for you - as sometimes you have to break up with other lesbians over and Over and OVER again until they get it.

Sorry - just trying to make you laugh on a bad day. I know the situation is not funny.
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Anna3/08/2009 7:04 PM
I sometimes still question things, even though I am absolutely sure of what I'm doing.

Thinking of you.
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Kat3/09/2009 1:02 PM
I think we're married to the same guy. At one point I told my husband I was moving into a rental property we had purchased and his response was to immediately march over there and introduce and endear himself to all the neighbors as the "new owner." I about puked. Its passive aggressive denial. As long as things look good on the surface they don't really care what you're going through. Selfish pricks, I'm sorry to say.
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Mama Llama3/09/2009 6:00 PM
Denial. I agree. He is still in denial...he's created this whole "family picture" shrine in his room. He wants things to be like they were--back when ignorance was bliss and I was silently miserable. Isn't that nice? I suspect much of the same in your case.

Did you come out to him, directly? Does he know, without a doubt? In that aspect, I cannot relate. But I can in just about everything else you're going through. I'm so sorry, OC.

Take care of yourself. Be well.
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Martini Cartwheels3/09/2009 7:17 PM
Hey OC - I hope you are hanging in there. Please know that you have lots of supporters out there who are wishing you well during this tough time.
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My Sound Track

31 & Falling -- Chris Pureka
Beauty & The Beast --Stevie Nicks
Blood and Fire -- Indigo Girls
Bridge Over Troubled Water -- Aretha Franklin
Cold Shoulder -- Amy Ray
Cross Over To Me--Caitie Curtis
Drift Away -- Dobie Gray
I Knew I Loved You -- Savage Garden
I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry -- Cowboy Junkies
If I Needed You -- Lyle Lovett
Imagine -- John Lennon
In Memory Of Trees -- Enya
Me & My Baby--Amy Ray
Rock & Roll Heavens Gate--Indigo Girls
Romeo & Juliet--Indigo Girls
Sexuality -- KD Lang
The Weakness In Me -- Joan Armatrading
Three County Highway, Indigo Girls
Where I Stood--Missy Higgins
You Can Sleep While I Drive -- Melissa Etheridge
You're The Reason -- Antigone Rising

81 Things About Me

81 Things About Me

1. I'm blond.
2. I'm the oldest child.
3. I got my drivers license on my 16th birthday.
4. My favorite color is red.
5. I've never been skiing.
6. I never want to go skiing.
7. I went to catholic high school for one year.
8. My cat is 18 years old.
9. My car is always messy.
10. My kitchen is always clean, even when the rest of my house is a mess.
11. I spent years wearing acrylic fingernails.
12. I can sing the songs to every episode of the Backyardigans.
13. I can sing every song of the wiggles.
14. I have fat calves.
15. My favorite shoes are Birkenstocks and Keens.
16. I have a weakness for vanilla smelling anything body products.
17. I'm a burrito snob.
18. I'm a really good cook.
19. I love to cook.
20. I have a fire engine red Kitchen Aide mixer that I will never divorce.
21. I'm a Stevie Nick's fanatic.
22. I lived by the beach for 20 years.
23. I have a lot of Barry Manilow on my iPod.
24. I have a lot of Bon Jovi on my iPod.
25. I got my ears pierced for the 1st time when I was 10.
26. I have two kids.
27. I'm a terrible student.
28. I'm terribly nosy, and will google you.
29. My favorite fruit is watermelon.
30. My favorite TV show is Criminal Minds.
31. I love Sex and the City.
32. I'm trying to figure out who will actually go see SATC with me a the theater.
33. I've never owned a new car.
34. I'll probably never own a new car.
35. My pets all live to be extremely old.
36. I have a red car.
37. I nursed my son for 2 1/2 years.
38. I was only able to nurse my daughter for 4 months.
39. I still have boxes of albums and no turntable to play them on.
40. 50 is getting closer than I'm comfortable with.
41. I own a Ron Popiel Showtime Chicken Roaster.
42. I use aforementioned roaster at least once a week.
43. I used to be a chain smoker.
44. I quit smoking cold turkey. I've never had another ciggarette.
45. I'm a coffee addict.
46. I have really good hair.
47. I have really bad legs.
48. I love down comforters.
49. I love flannels sheets, but not with down comforters.
50. I used to be a fairly good potter.
51. I've had a computer since they were on DOS.
52. This is my 2nd Mac computer.
53. I'll never own a PC computer again.
54. My favorite junk food is Dorritos dipped in sour cream.
55. My favorite drinks are Tom and Jerry's.
56. I can't stand any kind of light colored beer.
57. I've seen a bear.
58. I used to be very shy when I was a child.
59. I'd kill for a Noah's Bagel.
60. I'm a night owl.
61. I babble in the car, I love to talk.
62. I never expected people to actually read my blog.
63. I am an expensive perfume whore.
64. I have a temper.
65. I work hard to control my temper.
66. I grew up in the desert.
67. I hate sushi.
68. I love Diet Coke.
69. I hate Diet Pepsi.
70. I made all my kids baby food.
71. My 1st car was a 76 Yellow Honda Civic Hachback with a black stripe.
72. I worked in an amusment park for the fee rides on the roller coasters.
73. I miss "MTV", the real old "MTV".
74. I have 3 piercings in each ear.
75. I have no tatoo's.
76. I really don't like chocolate that much.
77. I love gummi bears.
78. White gummi bears are my favorite.
79. I shave my legs every day.
80. I love Disco music.
81. I can drive a stick shift.