Indy 500

Seriously, this is post 500.

Bearsmountain is two years old now, well if you want to get technical, two years and a few weeks, but who's counting??

Blogging has saved my life. Really, it has. I started out, just playing around, reading a few blogs. I remember when I put my Cluster Map on it, and would get excited about each new dot. Now, it's hard to tell where the dots are. I've met some wonderful people along the way. Some have come and gone, some have been constants from the beginning. There are several of you out there, who I trust so much, I'd probably leave my kid with you...I'm sure you know who you are.

It's an addictive, narcissistic hobby. It's my space, and I run it. I put what I want here. I do it to please myself. I've been stunned with the amount of late life lesbians out there. I never ever thought there were so many of us. I've formed some great friendships.

I love the saying, "I love my computer because my friends live in it". For me, that is so so true. It's been a way to find a community of women, that I would never have found any other way.

So anyway, I've been waiting to make this post because it is post 500. I wanted to make post 500 from my new home.

It's early morning, and here I sit, with a yummy cup of coffee, writing on my laptop which I have unpassworded. I feel free. I am free. Hubby doesn't even seem that interested in the kids, which makes me horribly sad, but considering his mental state right now, takes a load of worry off my mind. They are here with me, Small Son and Little Miss. We have been having "slumber parties" in my room at night, them in their new sleeping bags, me in my bed, and we are all happy. They miss daddy, but not terribly yet. I think they are as relieved as I am to be away from the stress of him.

Moving weekend was hellish. Hubby was horrid, mean, unhelpful, and would barely keep the kids so I could work over here. It left me feeling alone and frustrated that there were things I just couldn't do, and had no one to help me do them. Then I got them done myself. What a feeling of accomplishment. I had to change out the electrical wire on my dryer, because I had the wrong plug for the wall. I did that! I built umpteen pieces of furniture, hung photo's, got myself moved, albeit with a few bumps along the way.

The furniture store called, and the new stuff will be here soon. So mostly everything is good.

The one thing I am struggling with is my cat. Keep in mind, I'm a cat person, I've had cats, multi cats all my life. This cat is turning into a problem. He constantly attacks unprovoked. He has drawn blood from the kids more times than I can count, and he's getting worse. I'm not sure why, but I'm beginning to suspect his feral cat roots. I'm thinking about taking him back to the shelter. I think he might be better off as a barn cat. I've never done this before, and it makes me feel terrible, but our lives have been being run by this kitten. Having to lock him out of any room we are in because of the attack mode.

He won't even settle down at night, and sleep with us, he will for a bit, then he wakes up and jumps on someones face and attacks...so he's been locked out of the bedroom. I don't think there is anything physically wrong with him. He acts fine, is not hungry, thirsty and his cat box is clean. I'm about at the end of my rope here with him. Like I said, I am a cat person, I've had cats all my life, and never had one like this.

The fact that his aggressiveness is getting worse worries me. I've had to kennel him when the work people come over to keep him from attacking them. So I have nearly decided to take him back this afternoon. We will see. It's gotten to the point I don't really like him, and don't want him on me. It makes me so sad, and it's not Sooshie's fault, I think it's his genetics. I think maybe he needs to just be free to hunt and be a cat.

So anyway, there you go, my long update.

I am free at last, thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!

Peace,

OC