What a great title....
I just found this song trolling through Youtube...it's amazing.
Take a listen....
I've been having such a hard time lately, I don't even know how to put it into words really.
On the surface, everything seems better, more united at home. The thing is, it's not. It's a fucking farce and I'm doing much better at hiding it again. Mostly because it felt good to feel slightly normal again, if just for a bit.
I've been playing way too much Guitar Hero, I'm sort of semi-addicted to that game. It takes my mind off of my life. Hubby and I play it together and don't talk at night. If I thought in the slightest that this marriage could be saved, I'd have to give that stupid Wii credit. It really is a great little piece of fun.
Back to me though. I'm sure you didn't come here to read about my new found addiction to G.H. I missed therapy last week, I had switched days and missed it. I was almost glad. I feel like a naughty child that hasn't done her job, and part of me doesn't want to go at all, but I'm forcing myself too. "T" says I'm really good at making things hard. I suspect she is right on. I feel convoluted, and mixed up. For nearly two years, I have been going through this. Now that I'm near the end, I feel like I'm back sliding, losing my courage. I need to get mad again, not complacent.
On a happier note, Small Son turns six this week and we had his party on Sunday, it was fab!!! He loved it and we all had a blast.
I'm seriously thinking of going on an anti inflammatory diet of sorts. I don't know if I can give up all I think I need to, but I can try to moderate it more and give up some stuff. I know coffee won't be on the list, even though it is on the list. I feel like I need to get more in tune with my body, and I can't face another "diet" that won't work. I'm no good at diets....but I do know I don't want my body to fall apart. So I'm starting next week, I'm going to work on giving up dairy and possibly wheat and see where that gets me. My joints will thank me if I can do it.
I downloaded Poseidon and the Bitter Bug tonight, so I'm going to fall asleep listening to Amy croon to me. I've been waiting for this for months.
Peace,
OC
Happy Birthday to Small Son.
ReplyDeleteI don't know, but to me, it does sound like you have come a really long way since I have started reading. Yes, you may be going through the motions right now to keep the peace, but don't forget about the giant strides you have made. Be patient OC. You are own your way.
Cool video. She has a rocking voice.
I went on Elaine Gotschall's diet for awhile. It's called the specific carbohydrate diet. I was amazed at the disappearance of aches and pains. Good luck with that.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I bet everyone you are talking to is saying this, but I think you could feel proud of yourself for how much work you have done. When I was blogging (and moaning about it to nearly everyone I know) this stuff I started feeling uncomfortable because it was even boring to me. But it takes as much grieving and waiting and assimilating as it takes. I admire you for walking it at your own speed. (And over here in my own struggle I wish it would hurry up, just to prove that I don't take my own advice.)