Post #450, how on earth is that possible? I haven't done a milestone post in a long time, and really this is more about me wondering how I've kept Bearsmountain up and running for so long.
I think winter is getting to me and making me say things I'm not sure I mean. This weekend, I heard things coming out of my mouth, and even as I was saying them, I thought, "uh oh".
We (or I should say I) started talking about getting the quads out, taking the kids with us riding this year, going camping up by the lake and me learning how to pull the trailer with the quads so that we could take them camping. What on earth am I doing?
I was thinking about this a lot last night. I just want to get outside, that it doesn't seem so bad to make plans with hubby to do this. This is something we do together, and he is the only person I do it with. Then my rational brain kicks in and says "idiot"....what the fuck are you doing????
It's something for me to to think about. I keep wondering why he doesn't put his foot down a bit. I mean I know, but I don't like it. He is willing to do anything it takes to fix this, but the thing is, first off, he is not doing the one thing that might actually make a difference to me, and the second thing is, I just want out. I find myself grieving this though, even as I want it. I find myself reveling in the last vestiges of what I know this family is going to be. Maybe he is doing the same, I don't know.
I'm on week two of cutting both wheat and dairy out of my diet. Last night I was having some seriously bad cravings, partly because I was hungry, and partly because I was having cheese and bread cravings. I stayed with it though, and had rice cereal with almond milk. I'm finding it a bit hard to not be hungry a lot with this, I need to work on more protein I think. I've been downing hummus like it's going out of style, and that is probably because it's made from beans. I think I will go get a salad for lunch today with lots of tofu and have a heavy protein laden dinner tonight and see if that doesn't help.
The reason I'm cutting this out of my diet is because I want to see if it helps with the arthritis in my knees. I did some reading on an anti-inflamatory diet and the benefits of it with arthritis. We'll see soon enough I guess.
Have to get ready for work,
Peace,
OC
i have arthritis too, OC...
ReplyDeleteand fibromyalgia.
have you ever tried celebrex? its really good for arthritis. then you could eat what you want. i do. heehee. i tried the anti-inflam. diet and could not tell a difference. but thats me.
anyways, about the other stuff you said.... about going camping.
even if your marriage as you knew it, is over, and you remain the best of friends... its ok to have family outtings with and for the kids to have happy memories. i dont think it takes anything away from how far you have come or where you are going. you have said you want to remain like family, and have his friendship. well this it it. you got it chickie. in your mind, keep your boundaries... and try to enjoy the family outting as thats all it is. remember. nothing is strictly black or white. there is a vast area of gray, within which you can decide where you guys fit in.
have fun
C
OC - have you ever tried sprouted grain bread? The brand that I find here is called 'ezekiel' bread - and it's made with sprouted grains, not wheat flour, so it is much much healthier. Higher in fiber, too. I can't eat a lot of wheat, but I find sprouted grain very easy to digest.
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